John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream

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I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray

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So Sorry!

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John L.

February 05, 2012

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I am more than aware that a breakup is not an end of the world thing especially when ex. someone like a mom, dad, or sis gets cancer and you have to watch them suffer till the end. But I also know that its so hard to find that special person who makes you feel like you can literally fly and they don't come around very often. I would literally forget mid sentence what the heck I was talking about. No idea why. Yes it was dumb, and I made big mistakes from the beginning but I did the one thing I could. That was love her. Was I blind to things...? No I just believed she would change for the better. We only have one shot at many relationships and they are hard, very hard for some reason. What we choose to do and say could be life or death for the relationship. But in the end we all must make the choice to be better. My friend who is much like me but younger had a girl tell him who he liked, "nice guys finish last" I ask why? After much debate here is my conclusion: When a girl sees a nice guy immediate thought= BORING. Second = no challenge, etc. Girls stop looking for the jerks who are a challenge and treat you like crap. Stop coming to us and using us to feel better and go back to the guy or type of guy that put you there. We can be a challenge, exciting and so much more but you have to give us the chance. It may take longer but in the end, what do you want to be with? The guy who treats you right or the jerk you have to wonder where he is on a Friday night. Just saying. Same applies to guys lol

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jesse

January 30, 2012

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i just saw extremely loud and incredibly close so sad..my sister dragged me there with her..we were the only two people in the theater..now i know why..its a total tear jerk-er..it makes you think how stupid break ups are compared to real catastrophes...just saying-dont know why but ok...

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jesse

January 28, 2012

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also im glad your finally are getting over this..you should really get out more..go kayaking or bungee jumping.. do something that you love..-anything but the titty barlol...

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jesse

January 28, 2012

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well ..its not that you must argue but u must contradict each other without contradiction there's no understanding of partnership etc...(lol idont even know if that makes much sense to me right now but ok..)and well the point is if you feel like theres something that needsa to be brought up..discussed or watever you should bring it up even if it means getting into a really heated argument...what she did to you was wrong on so many levels but the fact that she stood there and cried her eyes out like an idiot is truly inconsiderate..i mean she knew what she was doing..she was avoiding the argument by screwing with your head in making you think she was truly sorry..its like when you were a kid and lets say you play ball in the house and end up breaking something-the boy starts crying..and obviously the parent isnt going to want to punish the kid becuz well hes already crying but still the kid cant just get away with disregarding his parents by merely giving some crocodile tears becuz well in the futre he might do worse than breaking the furniture and then what? hes gunna cry?..and crying makes everything better..?no. so yes she did cheat you out by crying but you have to realize for future relationships and stuff you cant just let it go..you have to say what you feel..oh and btw did she cry all the time cuz thats just ridiculous.. you shouldnt have catered to that..-just saying.

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John L.

January 27, 2012

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* Jesse: We never argued. It was weird bec most ppl assume that if ur in a real relationship then you must argue. Its like its a requirement. We had our disagreements but we always settled them w/o arguing. I told her bec she asked that I wanted to have sex only when I got married and she said that was her initial plan but that fell apart for her. We were both Christian, raised in christian homes, etc. She just went the other way bec hey her choice. I wanted to argue, cuss, etc when she cheated on me but I truly thought that after she saw me and said sorry as she was crying. That she would never do it again. I was wrong...again

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chris

January 26, 2012

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Yeah brah, all hip hop all the way. I didn't do second semester of college and went to a treatment clinic for xanax...working on music was one thing i wanted to accomplish in my life, so i took time to make that dream come true. Even if i just release something and no one listens to it, at least its out.... ...you gota follow your dreams man....dont let anyone hold ya back. I could have let my ex hold me back but she now drinks and does the stuff she said she didn't do in the first place...people change. It happens...but its only best if YOU YOURSELF decide to change for good...

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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im more of a arts and music kinda person..what about you chris.

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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hmm.. game designer major cool

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chris

January 26, 2012

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good to hear man!

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john l

January 26, 2012

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oh trust me im doin better but its slow. Chris ur funny but I would never go to one. on my phone at ale house for a late lunch. I am a game design major. no pretty girls all 3 of them lol. trying to get back in shape from my modeling days. proving to be hard lol. thus rebuilding the hardest thing. confidence

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