John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream

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I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray

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John L.

February 18, 2011

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One last thing I learned and I kinda hated and enjoyed this when I heard it. Her mom said you know, we have been praying for the last 3 years that Catie would find someone like you and leave her ex. Ha Ha man that was funny to hear. I was like yep it was all there it's just instead of coming to me when she left her ex she ran to someone else who barely knew her. Still never understand that. So I have no doubt in my mind that at one time I was supposted to have a relationship with her but God gives us the choice of free will. If it is meant to be then it will happen. Just like Katt said, don't let what your ex said bring you down. I have barely functioned bec. of what she accused me of even though she said she was lying about it. The fact that she said it to begin with was what has made me question myself and who I am. Satan uses people to hurt you and keep you there because it makes you worthless to God and to everyone. So Run like Hell away from that person and don't look back because it will keep bringing you down. It did it to me and occasionally still does.

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John L.

February 18, 2011

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I think you might like a song. I sing and it just came out. Josh Groban: Thankful http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2M0GQOgYGg Songs have a way to reach out to peoople far more than words. I sang the rose by westlife for my counselor bec I couldnt do it for the girl. Made her cry on several occasions(didnt think they were supposted to do that lol). To be honest I did the one thing everyone said not to do. I went and spoke to her family. My gut was telling me to the whole time and it turned out to be right. They are a Christian family and they ended up saying sorry for their daughter. I went to her house two times before (helping her parents) and her own brother said why is she not dating him, he fits in with our family perfectly (what her mom said). I asked her (the girl) why it would never work bet. the two of us and she said because I looked too much like her ex. and that I was overbearing. I said first that is really shallow and unfair and if I was overbearing, then why did you never want to talk about it? Plus for all the times she accused me of crap (worst was a stalker) I asked for proof and she never had any. Even her parents didnt believe her when she said that. (CRAZY crap). I know she made it up in her mind to justify her leaving and to shift the blame. (common tactic my sis and I did when we were little) I tried to pay her to go to a counselor but she refused (probably bec. she would see that she was wrong). I ended up going for 12 weeks. So for those of you out there who are hurting try it, you will feel a lot better. Anyway I learned something even more important, if ur gut says something is wrong etc. listen, think, then act.

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katt

February 17, 2011

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And out of nowhere, this awesome man came into my life! He accepted me and my 2 kids and has shown me what love really is. God works in mysterious ways, he'll never leave you or foresake you. But He will test you. I believe you went through your hardship and has learned from it and can appreciate the next thing. But before he can send someone perfect for you into your life, you have to learn to be happy with right now and the life He has given you. Once you do that, i promise you'll be happy!! I'm 28 now and been through hell and back and never thought I'd be able to be happy. But I was wrong!! So trust me and have a little faith in yourself. Go out with friends from school and church, and for goodness sakes LAUGH!!! It soothes the soul! And I understand you have a trust issue now, God knows I had a huge one! But I let down my guard a little and have never been happier! All you have to do is expect the worst, but hope for the best, therefore, you can't ever be disappointed! =) And I'm glad you liked what I said about not letting anyone make you feel less than you are worth because it is true!! Sometimes we forget all our wonderful qualities we have! And for the future, don't make anyone your priority if you are only their option...you deserve better!! God bless John!!

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katt

February 17, 2011

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Hi John!! Great hearing from you! I'm sad to hear that after 9 mths, you are still down about this =( But very glad to hear how positive you are!! God loves you and he made you special. You pray for everyone's happiness and it's ok to be a little selfish and ask for love!! But it was a shame that you got burned by the wrong one. Perhaps God sent her into your life so she can see what it is to be with a real man who has feelings and consideration...unfortunately, she chose the other route. But I'm sure because of her past, that's all she is used to so most likely, she didn't know how to appreciate a good man!! You probably scared her lol But HER LOSS!!!! Again, i'm sorry for how harsh I was, I just get so worked up over topics like this! I fell in love at 15 and married him at 19 and finally left him at 27. He cheated, I forgave, he lied, I forgave...but I couldnt trust him again and as the yrs went on, I got more depressed. I finally snapped out of it when I went to church and we sang a song. It's called "It's Alright" by Mercy Me. That song woke me up! It made me realize that this is MY life. I have the power to make myself happy or sad, I can't allow someone to influence my feelings, not with God in my life!! And I left him! It was hard being alone, especially with 2 kids, but I made friends with my coworkers, started hanging out, and I started to actually enjoy life!!

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John L.

February 17, 2011

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I also wanted to make a comment and forgive me if I am wrong but it seems most people age 18 to 26 and older are looking for the next big thing. Be that something that turns them on or an adrenaline rush. Real relationships happen at my age my twin sis is living proof of that but very few will last. People say well people fall out of love etc. Then that means it might never have really been there and while we are all people, Love is the only thing that can surpass even death. IDK what God has in store for me but I'm not gonna lie I am tired of being alone. Been like this for 24 years now and it is starting to take it's toll. I am shy but I think my biggest problem is that being alone and my past forced me to grow up and mature much faster than most people my age. So I will probably remain single till I am at least 26 to 30 lol. Hopefully not 30 lol. Anyway as I said before good luck to everyone and while life may throw bouldrs in the way and rocks at your head, we keep moving forward. That sounds so dumb oh well lol.

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John L.

February 17, 2011

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Well its been 9 months, and still hurts like hell. I tried to believe in someone when they didn't believe in themselves. Yeah I did become her doormat and I got run over. Learned a lot real fast. I appreciate your honesty and yes I did live a sheltered life big time. I thought only guys did this to girls before all of this lol. I have hardly laughed in 9 months or smiled. I still see her go by in class and she wont look or say anything to me. I rebuilt her and in the end I was just the mistake. That is how I will always be to her despite being the perfect guy ha ha and look where that got me. What was even better is the crap she lied to herself about me and told other people to shift the blame and make it my fault. I couldnt believe that one. Anyway I am moving on, or trying. Hard for me to trust any female now and for good reason. She technically betrayed me 4 times. Just so you know I pray for everyone every day. The greatest joy I have is in helping others even though to be honest I am getting tired of being burned time and again. It wasn't being selfish to pray that God would send me the right girl and who knows maybe I made a difference in her life later on. God knows I hope I did something beneficial other than get destroyed in the process. I like your last comment don't let someone else make you seem like you are less than what you are worth. That really hit me in the right spot because I keep feeling like it was my fault but at the end of the day, I forgave her, still encouraged her to do the right thing, gave everything to help her, and will be there for her if she changes. Doubtful but you never know. Thank you again Katt. Sometimes it is when we are spoken to harshly that we remember it more.

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katt

December 30, 2010

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Ok John...1st n foremost...if ur a "true" Christian, u wouldnt be praying for God to send u a girl to marry!! U would pray for ur family, friends, the well beings of others n for happiness...ur prayers were selfish n look what u got in return!! u cant turn a hoe into a housewife!! idk u but im guessing u lead a pretty sheltered life...the skies are not always blue my friend...2ndly, u cant even count this as a relationship!! u werent w her for the full 7.5 mths!! she was with her ex n who knows who else n u ALLOWED urself to be a doormat!! u kinda remind me of Forrest Gump n she is Jenny lol he waisted his whole life on her n she died of aids (right?? idr lol) but truth of the matter is, ur an adult, n a male, start acting like 1! dwelling on the past n preaching scriptures isnt going to change ur situation nor make it better...whats done is done...learn from it n move on!! it was an experience n u got hurt but i believe if u truly have a strong faith, u wouldnt be wasting ur time n energy thinking about this...everyone has a story, everyone has been hurt, everyone has cried...some ppl have it worse than u n some have it better...u cant use ur imaginary relationship as a blockade for living ur life!! like Leah below, go to church n make friends there n ull eventually meet who ur destined to be w...or u can loosen up n live a little!!! go out dancing, listen to music, have a few drinks, LAUGH!!! U sound so depressing! when was the last time u laughed?? Have fun! ur young!!! Go on a roller coaster n scream loud n laugh...islands of adventure has that rockin roller coaster...hop on n let go!!! where in orlando do u live?? if close to kissimmee, go to City of Life...ull change for the better, i promise!! n im sorry if im harsh but i get so upset when i see ppl just get so blah n depressed over a NOBODY!! Pisses me off!! U should neverrrr let ANYONE make u feel less than ur worth!!!

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John L.

August 31, 2010

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All my friends are like we all make mistakes but in this case I didn't (sex).I waited and looked just for this girl for 8 years.I hope that God has her realize just how special she is bec. I looked so hard.She doesn't see how rare she is.At least I know that I have fulfilled every promise to her that I made.There is but one more that I must keep and after that I will be done.While most would say I owe her nothing, that she doesn't deserve it, etc.I made a promise and I always try to keep a promise.I have lived my whole life by a code of honor that has long been forgotten. (knights code)I'm going to wait one year for her,while still looking around for another girl that God will put into my life but at the same time like I said I know I will never find another like her ever again.Especially since I married her and saw her's and her father's face 8 years before I had ever even met them. I thank you all for giving me the advice and insight that you have. Most from other relationships. I pray that if you have not found the right person that you soon will. This will more than likely be my last posting on here but once again I thank you all. Good luck and make your life an adventure : )

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John L.

August 20, 2010

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Galations ch 6 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. This is what I did and was trying to do this is why cared so much.

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sped

August 18, 2010

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All you can do is pray? Pray for what...a pair of balls? You already have a pair, you just need to use them. The girl was a skank, nothing more than an easy fuck for any guy that wanted her. Why would you waste any time with her, once you figured out what she was like? And why do you even care if she is ruining her life? Her life is not your problem. So sack up and put this skank behind you

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