John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream

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I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray

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So Sorry!

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Marshal

August 11, 2010

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I'm sorry man but shes a lost cause. Believe me I've been there done that when theyre to far gone like its just best to go your seperate way. I mean just picture if you were to marry her shes just gonna do the same as shes doing now.

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John L.

August 11, 2010

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Thats just it when i was with her, she changed, it was like she knew she didn't have to be someone else (sexy slut) she could be herself. Her friends from high school said she was much like me then she fell off track. I didnt look at the outside I focused on what was on the inside and how I could repair the damage without chasing her off. I didn't condemn her actions bec = instant turnoff. I compromised myself to show her I was willing to put myself in her shoes to understand and help her through an extremely difficult time. I just never expected her to just jump me for a new guy without saying a word. Unless it was bec of guilt. I even prayed (most will not believe this) Lord take what little I have not given to this girl, take it all, but please save her (found out later she broke up with her ex. When she was with me she changed, she didn't drink, curse, or have sex like she was with me. Then she went back to her ex 2 times and she went right back to what she was doing. I'm fighting myself here to not only give up on a person I thought was my best friend bec. she was the first person I opened up to in 23 years. I am literally losing a girl I saw 8 years before I met her. I made a promise to a man I would later find out was her dad that I would take care of her for the rest of my life. I am going against all that plus that I was raised to always be honest and to take care of the needs of the person i was to marry.

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John L.

August 11, 2010

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Thats just it when i was with her, she changed, it was like she knew she didn't have to be someone else (sexy slut) she could be herself. Her friends from high school said she was much like me then she fell off track. I didnt look at the outside I focused on what was on the inside and how I could repair the damage without chasing her off. I didn't condemn her actions bec = instant turnoff. I compromised myself to show her I was willing to put myself in her shoes to understand and help her through an extremely difficult time. I just never expected her to just jump me for a new guy without saying a word. Unless it was bec of guilt. I even prayed (most will not believe this) Lord take what little I have not given to this girl, take it all, but please save her (found out later she broke up with her ex. When she was with me she changed, she didn't drink, curse, or have sex like she was with me. Then she went back to her ex 2 times and she went right back to what she was doing. I'm fighting myself here to not only give up on a person I thought was my best friend bec. she was the first person I opened up to in 23 years. I am literally losing a girl I saw 8 years before I met her. I made a promise to a man I would later find out was her dad that I would take care of her for the rest of my life. I am going against all that plus that I was raised to always be honest and to take care of the needs of the person i was to marry.

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Marshal

August 10, 2010

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Hey look man I'm sorry that this has happen but look at the girl first like in her not just on the outside. Trust me I had bad ones in my life but I've also had good ones but what I'm trying to say is stop wasting your time on her she a loss cause man I've seen happen to a friend of mine waited years for a girl she slept around and now my friend has an std cause of her. So dont let the same thing happen to you.

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Maury

August 10, 2010

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You oughta waste this hoochie. And then lighten yourself up ya radge!

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John L.

August 10, 2010

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AS I said this was the first time I even went on a date. The strange thing is that I don't hate her at all. It's not bec of being stupid, I promised that I would never hater her from the night she told me her past and cried in my arms. I was like what you do from this day forth determines who you are. Guess she chose not to remember that.

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John L.

August 10, 2010

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Man have I been struggling with this. I want it to be over but I still have nightmares of her having sex with a guy i have never seen yet described him (freaky). I went to her and told her what she did was wrong and it helped but idk. I looked into her eyes and I saw such pain, confusion, hate, etc. I felt sorry for her but she did it to herself. I said that I had promised her that I would never leave her. As she pretty much kicked me out because the new guy was coming over. I said that I would never abandon her even though she did it to me. I ask myself why?, why did I say that. Everyone has said screw the b#### but I saw the pain in her eyes. I never abandon anyone who needs help. Yes she chose this and did this to herself. It's not in my nature to leave someone like that. Also discovered from a look she gave me that she blamed all of it on me. I was like what the heck. I was there for u this whole time, believed in you, trusted you more than anyone in 23 years, prayed everyday that you would see how special you are, told you every night and morning that you were beautiful and one of a kind. Yet the dumb voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me to wait. Says " wait, she will need you in the end". Same voice that I heard when I was saying God i'm tired of being alone I can't wait for her anymore. little voice said just wait. Then I met her. I just don't know. Maybe the time wasn't right.

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John L.

July 31, 2010

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In the end I realized that what I was trying to do was save this girl from herself. She had lived this way for so long but even in the end after I gave up everything and she said it meant nothing I feel like I have failed. As I said I am a true christian and believe that God puts people in our lives so we can help them. I had nothing left to give and in the end she at least left her ex but for her to abandon me as a friend altogether has hurt the most. While we can't change people we can at least show them how to get back on track. It was ironic how a pastor told me that all we can do is plant the seed. If she ever did come back to me I wanted to start all over and no sex. I was going to ask her to marry me after two years and I was going to sing her the song "the Rose by Westlife" Didnt realize it until after I sent her the 13 page e-mail. (has made every person cry who read it). The song at the end says that the "lies a seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes a rose". All I can do is pray that she finds her way. Maybe one day realizes that what I gave her was unconditional Love. Right now I just feel like my soul is being torn in pieces. Maybe one day when I die I can ask God why he let me see these dreams 8 years before I met her and her dad. God Bless you all

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John L.

July 31, 2010

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In the end I realized that what I was trying to do was save this girl from herself. She had lived this way for so long but even in the end after I gave up everything and she said it meant nothing I feel like I have failed. As I said I am a true christian and believe that God puts people in our lives so we can help them. I had nothing left to give and in the end she at least left her ex but for her to abandon me as a friend altogether has hurt the most. While we can't change people we can at least show them how to get back on track. It was ironic how a pastor told me that all we can do is plant the seed. If she ever did come back to me I wanted to start all over and no sex. I was going to ask her to marry me after two years and I was going to sing her the song "the Rose by Westlife" Didnt realize it until after I sent her the 13 page e-mail. (has made every person cry who read it). The song at the end says that the "lies a seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes a rose". All I can do is pray that she finds her way. Maybe one day realizes that what I gave her was unconditional Love. Right now I just feel like my soul is being torn in pieces. Maybe one day when I die I can ask God why he let me see these dreams 8 years before I met her and her dad. God Bless you all

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John L.

July 24, 2010

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I didn't do it mainly to please her, I did it to show her what true love really was. It's not about the sex. Despite what everyone thinks. When your alone and thinking about the person you don't think about the sex it's their face and who they are. It's whats on the inside. Thats why I loved her and gave her my life. Yes I wanted to make her happy but I wanted her to rediscover what the words "I love you" really meant. I looked for this girl for eight years and being alone for 22 you realize just how special someone is not for what they can give you in bed but what you can give to them by putting them before yourself and just being with the, holding their hand, or walking down the street side by side

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