John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream

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I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray

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So Sorry!

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Johnl

June 19, 2012

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Well please dont. I dont need pity for a choice i made be it good or bad. When i went into the affair i thought only guys used girls like that. Plus 5 diff times i asked her bec i was going to leave her. Is there any hope that i will be with u. She said yes until number 6. Also she wept in my arms and said she wanted to change. I said i would help her as best i could. Lets put it this way if u were me. Someone is pratically living with u, showers with u,eats with u,sleeps with u,and says they love u and u look in the eyes and see the truth wouldnt u believe it too. Even called her on it once. She said i love u and i looked her in the eyes and said no ... U dont

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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and well i dont really think i will be the one who feels the pain....

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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um i meant sad as in pitty...like i pitty that you didnt pick up on it being a hook upp....etc. sorry for the misconception.

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Johnl

June 19, 2012

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Get tissues ready if u thought that one thing was sad. What im going to put on here is the last posting. But its made many ppl cry

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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ok....

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Johnl

June 19, 2012

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Just check here later so i dont sound like a nutcase lol. Or crazy person.

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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oh lol and i meant "bound" to not ever lasting...like bound to go wrong etc.

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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bound to her?....um you dont have to type some stuff up and all... im just trying to get you to see across my point... it wasnt one persons fault...it just wasnt meant to work out...sometimes you have those relationships that just dont work out in the end...

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johnl

June 19, 2012

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Im using my phone atm. I will type some stuff up later. In regards to the bound to her lets just say i will blow u away. Scared me in all honesty

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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aww now ur making me sad... ohnestly no ones going to want to sit down with you and have a DMC shes only gunna wanna do that with someone who she knew her whole life and knows her whole lifes story ....and well she should have known better... and should have treated you the way you wanted to be treated but well if ur saying that it wasnt official official...i mean you had to have known that that means it was merely a hook up? and i think that was ur mistake in not making sure that it wasnt a hook up...u should have took pics yourself if you wanted it to be idk out there and know... you basically gave her an opening to do whatever she wanted and whenever she wanted...you were waiting for the wrong light it was a yellow on the brink of turning red ...

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