Searching for "help"

158 Results For 'help'

Not RealName

September 05, 2014 @ (Ohio)

I dated a guy a year younger than me in high school. The relationship went really well for 5 months. We were in marching band together and were very different people. I was in color guard and he was a clarinet. I was really bubbly and extroverted while he was quiet and sweet. We meshed well with our differences. But he was always too reserved. He never told me what he was thinking, would be quiet often just following me, so I felt emotionally unfulfilled and lonely in the relationship. He also never made any of the first moves. We went to Disney World with our band and we were watching the fireworks over the Disney castle, Tinker Bell flying through the air, the perfect romantic setting. But he never kissed me...and that was one first move I could never make. I wanted to feel wanted.
So I began distancing myself from him. He noticed and started being clingier. He followed me everywhere in school. He would even stand behind me while I ate lunch with friends. It was creepy. Eventually I was on crutches and I felt like a wounded animal while he was stalking his prey. He chased me into the girl's bathroom on crutches with friends trying to protect me. He wasn't violent, just desperate. Then one day that changed.
He was waiting for me to come in and watched me go to my locker. I moved slowly in fear and tried to phone friends to come help me but none of them responded fast enough. So I limped to class and he bolted after me. He kept saying things like "Why won't you talk to me? Just listen to me." I didn't say anything. Then he got so mad he pushed me and I fell into a very rough brick wall. I got scratched by the bricks and it hurt. I screamed for him to go away and he ran off with everyone looking. I got him suspended. But he tried to stalk me for years after that. We never even kissed...
Anyways plot twist: We're getting married now.

I Hated This.

August 25, 2014 @ (Mishawaka)

Tags: bad breakup, sad breakup, middle school dating

Here's to make it easier. Guy will be "A" because that's what his name starts with. "T" for friend number one. "E" for friend number two. "L" for supposedly friend. "V" for really good friend. "S" for other really good friend. Hope it's somewhat easy to understand.

Okay, so, it was April 12 and I was with T. It was T's little cousin's birthday party. That's when A asked me out. It was 12:56 am. We were all in a hotel. Me, T, E, and T's little cousin and aunt. A was texting me and he asked me out. I felt really bad because I was lying to my parents. I wasn't supposed to date. Nineteen hours later, I broke up with him. This is barely the start of this. The next day at school, L said it looked like A was about to cry. At the time, L was dating somebody. So, I got really upset and felt really bad. I cried for like an hour. It was really bad. Makeup was running down my face and everything. I kept blaming everything on me. It didn't help because just when I thought I was going to stop crying before passing periods, I cried right when I got into fourth hour. The hour I had with A. I took one look at him and I just hugged my friend and just cried onto her shoulder. Everybody was asking if I was okay. Thanks for sympathy but I don't want everybody worrying about me. So, then I went down to guidance and talked about it. When I got back, he kept looking at me. I knew he was, and I didn't even have to look at him. He texted me after school. He wanted me to talk to him. I felt bad because I knew that I had to have hurt his feelings. He said he didn't hate me. He said he could never hate me. Two weeks later to April 25. We started dating again. He said that I was his background and so much cute stuff and honestly I didn't know he could be heartless. But, I found out that he could. It was sometime in May and I broke up with him. One, because he liked my friend and my friend liked him back. That same day I broke up with him, he went out with L. Who does that? So, I told him not to talk to me at school or anything. So neither of them did. For a week until they asked if I was still mad at them. Um, yes. So I texted him and asked him what he wanted to talk to me about. He said he wanted us all to be friends again and I said I wasn't friend's with either of them. So, then the next day he told my friend that he could care less about me. I texted him and said, "This is exactly why I said I didn't want to be friends with you again." He told me to stop texting him then. I cussed at him and I just basically yelled at him over text. His reply, and yes I barely did anything but stick up for myself and he said, "Good, now go die in a hole now and stop f*cking texting me." I lost it. I was crying and crying. The next day, I was trying to read the messages to V and S and right when I got to that text, I started crying. I couldn't even read it. It was so hard to focus. And still, he said he didn't care if I died. He meant everything he said to me, and that he wouldn't take any of it back. After like a month maybe, he decided to apologize. Like, I'm sorry, but it's a little late. To this day, I still do not talk to him.

Ricky

July 08, 2014 @ (Granger, Indiana)

Tags: Blindsided Breakup

I had met her about two years ago at school. She was new in town since she just moved from Colorado. After about a year later I started getting invited to her parties and to her house to watch a movie or something. For the sake of privacy her name will be Rosie. We had only begun to be serious about Fall of 2013. I had committed to seeing her father monthly to talk with him about her. There was one problem. Rosie's family was a strong Christian family while I always had trouble with faith so I retained an Atheist standpoint. However, I was accepted by her family as long as I tried to adapt a Christian lifestyle. I blindly accepted the task and was given permission to date her. Now, I had issues at the time. I hadn't been able to see a purpose in life and constantly thought about suicide. Once I told her she helped me through it and those thoughts left me alone. We would sit on the school balconies holding hands as she talked me through it. We officially started dating on January 20th, 2014. Everything seemed fine with us. And I like to think that it was. Those times were the best in my life. I was convinced that even though it doesn't happen, she would be my first and my last. Oh how I was wrong. We had our first argument about a week ago so around July 1st or 2nd. I was in Europe at the time so I couldn't talk with her face to face. The issue was that I was a constant pessimist. That she couldn't be happy when she was with me. I didn't understand since I always had a negative view on events. I told her that once I get back that we would meet and make amends. So we did. Yesterday. July 7th, 2014. She came over to my house and we had a great time. At the end of the day we talked about what was wrong. I asked if I could have time to work on it and I was granted it. Then her phone buzzed letting know her parents were on their way. She sighed and looked at me. Right then she dropped the bomb. "I think we should break up". I couldn't move anymore. The day had been great, I had been as positive as I could be. I was calm. I asked why. "I can't be happy with you and I can't be with someone who has different views as I do". I was shocked. Then the pleading began. Everything I said was shut down. Then her third and final reason arose, "I feel like I'm replaceable in your life". After all we had gone through it was unbelievable. Then I knew that this was her parents doing. Before I could say anything more she was out the door. I ran to the other room where I had a gift from Europe for her, I wanted her to take it. So I wouldn't have to hold on to it, but once I made it out of the door she wasn't there. Dumbfounded, I sat on the front porch and cried. Like I never had before. She left me with the lingering questions of why I didn't get a second chance and what went wrong today. Since I haven't been able to sleep tonight, I read up on the worst kinds of break ups. I found my own at number one, the blindsided break up. She had been convinced since we argued that I wasn't the one and I was led to believe everything was alright before I was shot with some of the worst words you'll ever hear. That same day...she held my hand, hugged me, and said that she loved me.

Michael

July 03, 2014 @ (New York City)

Tags: #BadBreakup, #ToxicRelationship, #BipolarDisorder, #Crazypeople

I met my ex-girlfriend on an online dating website and things got serious pretty quickly. She had bipolar disorder but was not getting treated. She lived with her parents and had a rocky relationship with her domineering and controlling mother. I always got the impression that her parents viewed my ex-girlfriend as a disappointment in comparison to her two older sisters who were both married with their own families. It seemed like her parents were happy with just about anybody who take my ex-girlfriend off her hands.

Initially I got along with her parents. I attended family gatherings, holidays and even went on a vacation with them. Over time, however, things changed. It started during a dinner we had with her parents. Her mother had a habit of scolding my ex-girlfriend about seemingly petty things. Even though it was an awkward situation that was uncomfortable, her mother was very unapologetic and instead got upset at me for not talking.

After two years together, we started to run into some problems. My ex-girlfriend was pressuring me into getting engaged, mainly so she could get my health insurance and get treated for her bipolar disorder. She even talked about eloping first so she didnâ€™t have to wait to claim my insurance. I started to feel that the relationship was a little one-sided. We practically spent all of our free time together and I was bothered she never showed much interest in any of my hobbies and was always very vocal about how stupid they were. Another problem were her mood swings which often lead to arguments, which occasionally took place in public places.

After we broke up, I went out on my own while my ex-girlfriend immediately jumped into another relationship. Also during that time, her parents sort of relented and allowed her to get treated for her bipolar disorder. After a few months, we both realized that we still had feelings for each other and decided to get back together, promising that things would be different.

At first not everyone was excited that we were back together, mainly her parents. They were upset because they believed her new boyfriend wouldâ€™ve eventually married her and because they believed I had caused my ex-girlfriendâ€™s mood swings. My ex-girlfriendâ€™s mother was upset at me over an incident that happened a year ago that never occurred. Even though my ex-girlfriend believed her, I was suspicious of her mother.

Initially everything seemed to be going great. The relationship was a lot more balanced and because my ex-girlfriend was taking medication she wasnâ€™t getting those mood swings that plagued us last time. Around the holidays, things started to turn. I was driving my ex-girlfriend to the airport and my car got a flat tire. As I pulled into the gas station, she started screaming at me, like she did before she was taking her medication. It was so bad that the attendants felt sorry for me and gave me the replacement tire for free. Even though my ex-girlfriend wrote off the incident as holiday-related stress, it was the first indication that something wasnâ€™t right.

Over the next month, my ex-girlfriend continued to act erratically and decided to break up with me on Valentineâ€™s Day, only to change her mind the following day and the same pattern would occur every few weeks. Also during that time, my ex-girlfriend discovered that her mother had tricked her into not taking her bipolar medication and had told her doctor that she no longer needed them causing her doctor to believe she was misdiagnosed.

Eventually, my ex-girlfriendâ€™s mother began to act even more coldly towards me. During an argument over the phone, I overheard her mother screaming in background and demanded that she break up with me and get it over with. Every time I saw her mother, I tried to be friendly or polite to her but she either scowl at me or storm out of the room. She continued to badmouth me and even made bizarre accusations about me. She claimed that I wasnâ€™t serious about getting married and claimed that I was gay. She even told family members that she didnâ€™t think that I was a nice person.

By the spring, my ex-girlfriendâ€™s mood swings started to get worse. One night, my ex-girlfriend had too much to drink and she started grinding against me at a restaurant. After I quietly pushed her off of me and told her to stop, she started screaming at me and eventually pushed me out the door. When I returned, she continued to scream at me and had to be told to leave by the manager.

On the way home, I told her we were finished but she wanted to talk. She asked for another chance and promised to stop drinking. When I wouldnâ€™t reconsider, she got upset demanded that I get out of her car and kicked me in my ribs and threw a half empty wine bottle out the window. The following day, she changed her mind and tried to convince me to give her another chance. After she got her friends to contact me, I felt like I had no choice but to give in.

In the following weeks. My ex-girlfriendâ€™s mood swings got worse and she even got pushy and demanding. When I tried breaking up with her again, she again forced me to reconsider and sometimes held me hostage in her house until I reconsidered. Personally I felt trapped. When my ex-girlfriend and I got back together, this was not what I had envisioned. Now I felt depressed and noticed that I had gained weight.

I decided that I needed an outlet for my feelings and decided to sign up for an obstacle course race. My ex-girlfriend immediately thought it was a dumb idea and was upset that I ask her permission. She also hated that I joined a Sunday softball league with a friend, even though she worked on that day. She always expected me to stay home and meet with her after she got off of work.

The night before the race, my ex-girlfriend decided to rehash an old argument about how she felt that I wasnâ€™t committed to her and believed her mother was about me. The argument continued as I was driving her home and when I tried to break up with her again, she lost her temper and started hitting me over the head with a book as I was driving. Afterwards, I was forced to change my mind after she refused to leave my car. The following week, I finally broke up with my ex-girlfriend after I cancelled my plans with her and she furiously berated me on the phone. Unlike last summer, this was for good.

In the months that followed, my ex-girlfriend continued to try to contact me.
Sometimes she scolded me for breaking up with her and occasionally she begged for another chance. She even would scream at remaining mutual friends when they wouldnâ€™t tell her any information they had on me. I also learned that she was in a serious car accident that some of her friends believe might been a suicide attempt. Eventually, she stopped trying to contact me and I learned that she had started dating another guy and was once again taking bipolar medication.

As for me, I rediscovered how to have fun again. I made a lot of new friends on the softball team I joined that summer. It helped that we won the championship and I ended up making the game winning catch. I also lost 50 pounds and have since competed in 3 more obstacle course races. I even started dating again and am currently in the early stages of a new relationship. Itâ€™s been fun and I can't remember the last time I felt this happy or excited about my life.

G.J.

May 05, 2014 @ (UK)

Tags: Breakup, young

When I was 10, I had a huge crush on this boy, and everyone knew it. I went (and still go) to a private school, so news travels fast. In the end I got a URL in the year above to help me ask him out, and he said yes (I found out the next day that he thought 'go out' meant go round my house. Luckily once I explained it he said yes anyway). I continued to go out with him for another 11 months (quite good in junior school). Then one day my 'friend' came up to me and said that he wanted to break up. I was heartbroken, ended up being sick on the tennis courts and everything. The next day I ended up confronting him on the school playground. Long story short we played it is we broke up with each other.
He got into a grammar school at the end of Y6 and I haven't seen him again.

A H

March 24, 2014 @ (Karachi, Pakistan)

Tags: Bad and unfortunate breakup

My girlfriend and I started going out three years ago and fell hard for each other. Even head over heels sound like an understatement. I am a 29 year old guy and I have always been a closed off person but when she and I started going out, she brought out the best in me. She made me feel like the king of the world and that I could achieve anything in this entire universe. Right around the time we started going out my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. It shook my entire existence. To find the guy you always looked up to and the authority figure in your life to be so timid and helpless. I was shaken up, then I lost my job, by profession I am a graphics designer and illustrator. We were extremely frustrated. And we decided to talk to our parents about us because we wanted to get married. A note here that she's from a well-to-do family and I am from a middle class family so the social status and lack of financial backing played a very important role when we tried talking to her parents. You need to understand another thing that in our culture we respect and listen to our parents' wishes because of how much they've done for us. and after talking to them they got furious. They took her cellphone, grounded her and we didn't talk for over a month. I know it sounds childish, but this is how our culture works. But she was resilient woman and she stood by me through all this and so did I. We spent two more years after that. My father passed away last May. And my financial situation kept getting worse and worse. Now I am at a stage where I am literally left with nothing in my account. Don't get me wrong she didn't drain me. But I was so distracted by my father's death and the trouble at her end that I couldn't pick myself up. So, a few months back she got a proposal and her father agreed to it and we discussed that since things are going in a certain way and we can't afford to hurt her parents, so we decided to break it off. I know that she loves me and she knows that I love her. I mean I have faced such problems in my life that it's beyond imagination. But this is worst feeling of all. Because I have never loved anyone or anything this much. But she's now talking to this guy her parents introduced to her and I know it's killing her but she's doing it. I want to salute this woman here and want to tell her that I love you and I will always love you. You were the best thing in my life. But I have these memories that I will take with them where ever I go.
It's funny that two people, who love each other dearly and wholly are pulled apart.

Nathalie

March 21, 2014 @ (Canada)

Tags: bad breakup, sad, lost , confused , need help , romeo and juliette

I have been with my bf for almost three years. He is my second and I am completely in love with him. I hid our relationship from my parents but after a year they found out. They're very strict and told me they wanted to meet him. After they met him, they made my life miserable and told me I had to break up with him. But I didn't want I was just getting closer and closer to him. He was truly my soulmate. Today, I am miserable because we still haven't slept together because I want to be a virgin until I get married but he doesn't he's 20 and wants to lose it already with me because he loves me. I don't blame him he's been so patient with me and I feel bad. But in my religion, I can't sleep with anyone until I get married. He told me that if we don't do it he doesn't see us last another 2 years. My parents are telling me every day to break up with him because they don't see him in my future and will never accept him because I deserve better. So here I am, thinking to myself how I'm going to break up with the person I love. I know I will be depressed for a very long time but it's better to break up now then to wait longer right?

Ari

March 11, 2014 @ (Miami, FL)

Tags: She cheated, bad breakup, bitch

During my freshman year of highschool, I was worried about making friends, but I did surprisingly well in a social aspect. On the 3rd week of school, a girl sat right in front of me during our physical education class. This girl just moved in to my town in August and supposedly the reason why she moved is because her single father sent her here because his wife divorced him. But something strange I noticed is that her older sister and younger brother stayed with her father in New Jersey (this all took place in Miami, FL). I didnâ€™t mind though. Anyhow, I met her in that class and after about 2 days of being just friends, we started dating. It turns out she actually had a crush on me and thatâ€™s why she sat in front of me on that day. I was, from what she said, her "first kiss" and also her "first boyfriend" and I didn't doubt it at all; in fact, I was honored because of it. Nothing could take that title away from me. For the first month, everything was fantastic. No arguments. No stress. It was all make out sessions, guitar songs on the beach, and basically, just pure relationship shit. I wasn't in love with her though, but I still cared very much for her. I put her in front of my family and friends, always got her gifts, always made her happy whenever she was down, helped her with schoolwork, family issues, depression, friends; I put everything I had into this. After the first month, she gave me a letter that said that after highschool we should move in together and get married someday, which did seem rather clingy, but I said yes because at that moment, I fell in love. She gave me a blowjob that day too which seems weird considering she had no experience before me (remember I was her first kiss and her first boyfriend). Around that time, they switched around my classes and they switched me out of the one class I had with her. The day after that, she starts talking about another guy. I didn't mind though because she had many other guy friends she would talk about occasionally (I did get a bit jealous, but it never got the better of me). Over the next two weeks or so, she started talking more about him, and eventually started texting him and hanging out with this other guy more than me. That Friday I went over her house, re-ignited the spark, and even got head. Everything was fantastic for the both of us. We were so happy; until Monday, of course. She was pissed at me for an unknown reason on Monday, so I resolve it that Tuesday by surprising her in the morning with flowers, using the cologne she likes, using the clothing she loves I wear; the small things she always mentioned. That didn't work. But on the bus later that day, I won her back. She said she was mad because I was too clingy. Ok, fair game. So I stopped being clingy. However, after two days she's pissed at me again because I was being too friendly (the opposite of clingy) and she ditched me that day. I immediately took the bus (which I almost got kicked off of), went home, wrote a letter for her, dressed really nicely, and ran 3 miles to her house to surprise her. I then fix everything AGAIN with her and we plan to meet up on Sunday (our 2 month anniversary). We decide to meet up at the mall at 7:00, go to my empty place until 11:00, and return. She ends up showing two hours late, didn't kiss or hug me or anything when I greeted her, canceled our plans, texted the guy she was obsessed about (and freaked out about the fact he got a haircut), left me with a huge bill for the food, and didn't even kiss me that night. After she left, she texted me saying that I only wanted her for sex (not true) and I go off explaining that I love her for the love she gives me not her body and etc. She then says that she loves me and is never going to leave me and we go on for a while exchanging about how much we loved each other. I was relieved. However, not even 24 hours later, she texts me saying that we should be friends for a couple weeks and then get back together. Things took a turn for the worst when that Thursday she leaves me (through a rumor nonetheless) and on that same day, about an hour after I heard we broke up, makes out with that guy she was obsessed about and texted all the time and freaked over his hair. Even though I tried to get her back with letters and chocolates and flowers and words from the heart and whatnot, it failed, and I was miserable. She said she wanted to be friends but then rumors spread that made me look bad and made her hate me. I fell into a deep depression. After we've been apart for a month, one of my best friends that Iâ€™ve known for 3 years now mentioned to me that while we were dating she sent him nude pictures of herself and even let him feel her up. She cheated on me with my best friend and then left me for her best friend/obsession (seemed kind of dumb considering said person has cheated on a lot of girls and has a face full of pimples). I still loved her though. Even though she treated me like crap, always texted other guys, showed up late and cancelled our plans I didn't care; I loved her. Unconditionally.

Today weâ€™ve been broken up for a couple months. They ended up fucking but Iâ€™m pretty sure theyâ€™re both cheating on each other which seems pretty disgusting to me. I just wonder if it was really worth it when she slept with himâ€¦ I guess I just need to learn the simple rule of â€œDonâ€™t talk to strangersâ€. Good thing Iâ€™m over her.

Henry

February 28, 2014 @ (Kerman, CA)

Tags: Bad break up

So I'm a guy, and I was in a gay relationship for 1 year and 8 months. It was like the perfect relationship, and I was so in love. It was my first time in a relationship and it started May of 2012 up until now. There were never really any signs that their was something wrong with us. We were always happy and loving to each other. When he moved to another state communication was hard. It was Arkansas, and I was in California. He was planning on staying over there and not coming back, but he only stayed there for only about a month because he feel into a depression and came back to be with me. We were good up until there was problems with his family and him, this was in December 2013. One day he took me to the place where we first fell for each other and told me he's going to have to move back to Arkansas because he can't take the drama here. I was sad knowing he was going to leave back again. Then when the day came on January 3 2014, he was packing all his stuff and was getting ready to leave. I told him to be with me in his room alone, and surprised him with a new cell phone so we could contact each other. He cried a lot and said thank you so much, you know my family would've never done this for me. The he hugged me for a long time crying. When he left i felt depressed, knowing he might just stay over there this time. A month later he facetimed me for the first time and we where so happy to see each other, we would text each other through facebook daily and that kept my calm. A week before valentines day i sent him a card that I personally made with all are pictures on it... Then he called two days later like normally but I screwed up the conversation. I got awkward about a topic and I wasn't talking the whole time on the phone. Then he suddenly hung up. I called him back and told him, you hung up.. And he said, yeah I did.. I said, are you made at me.. He said well what do u think, you know I hate it when you don't say anything on the phone.. So I asked, do u still want to talk to me?.. He said, not really.. I said, ok I'm sorry i really am.. He said, it's ok I'm over it already.. I'll talk to you tomorrow. The next day I got a msg from him.. It hurt me. He said, ok, yesterday u left me thinking on how long Ive been without you and managed to be fine. So I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore and before you start with that no i can do better stuff just think and be an adult. Your a great guy with a lot of love and the person who loves u is lucky, but I don't love u. I have to put my own goals first. So yeah I guess this is goodbye. It's over. I was so sad and couldn't think right.. I was left with no talk from him in a few days, we talked but it was nothing like we would normally talk to each other.. Then a week passed with no talking, and then yesterday the 27 of February, his best friend from here came to my house to facetime him, I let them talk by themselves but I called his friend over to talk to me real quick. I told here to put the earphones on but don't plug them in.. He told her to put in earphones so nobody would hear what he was about to say. So she put them on but didn't plug them in and I was secretly on the side of her, but he didn't know. He said to her through facetime, ok, I don't have a lot of time but that guy me and josh we broke up. He was pulling that whole act that Henry did and i was like been there done that, I don't know what we are, I think we're just friends but now I'll stick to school I guess. But when I'm 18, I'll try a few dates every now and then....... After I heard that whole thing I was heart broken. To know that he dated someone 3 days after we broke up made me feel like shit, I felt like I didn't matter i felt like I was nothing. How can u go into a relationship real quick after breaking up a almost 2 year relationship.. I doesn't make sense, his friend told him a heard everything and he was like in shock because he didn't want me to know. I talked to him later that day just us two. I asked him if that whole time that we facetimed and before when he was crying and about to move.. If he still loved? me that whole time. He said no, he had no feelings for me and he was just being nice and didn't know how to break it to me. So we just ended it for good and that was that. I feel betrayed, lost, confused, depressed.. I don't know how I'll get over my first love, my everything. I built a foundation for us, only for me having to take it down... It's hard. We have had so many loving memories in my home town it's hard not to think about it.. I go to the place where we felt for each other, it hurts. But I feel close to him when I'm there. I still love him. I can't hate him because he showed me many things in life, basically helped me out A LOT. But i do hate his poor choices and the people that might of influenced him to go in a relationship after ours. I thank and love him for being there when I needed him there, he's my best friend and the only person that gets me like no one else. He told me we can't be friends because I still have feelings for him. He said once i loose those feelings and find someone else, we can be friends. I probably won't hear from him in a long time because he's deactivating everything he's on, like Facebook.etc. if i do find someone else, I'll probably have feelings for him still.. And would have to lie that I don't. I don't know how to manage now.. It's really hard to deal with and I find myself crying constantly. The term that I always used,(Always

Brandon

February 10, 2014 @ (Portland, OR)

Tags: worst breakup, jerk, idiot, heart breaker, regretful

So, I had been dating this girl for about six months with a two month break in between, let's call her "Jackie". It was when we got back together I realized that things weren't going to work. She said that we just need to communicate more, but it never happened, we always just sat in awkward silence until one of us had to leave.
Before we get to the actual break-up, I want to do a little back-story. So a few years back my friends introduced me to this girl, not the one I broke up with, let's call her "Amanda." Amanda was a nice girl from the very start, She invited me to all her parties, and helped me out with my homework and essays. She was funny, she would often make fun of my now best friend, "Franklin," which I found hilarious. She was also super smart, she had one of the highest GPAs in the school, and passed even the most advanced classes. And I swear she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and to this day I am deeply in love with her. Unfortunately, when I told her about my feelings, she dropped the F-Bomb on me. Yep, that was my first ever "friend-zone." I was crushed, I never felt so terrible in my life. But I stayed adamant, and year after year I would ask her, and year after year she denied me. I realize that she can make whatever choice she wants, but I couldn't help but to want to be with her. I guess she must have gotten tired of me asking, because after the fourth confession, she suggested I go out with Jackie, whom I had met a month earlier. I knew she had a thing for me, and Amanda said we would be cute together. I don't know why, but the words "cute together" hit me really hard. Just the thought of being with someone other than her felt wrong. Things did go wrong eventually, I guess that's what happens when you go out with someone because the love of your life asks you to. I probably should have seen that coming. After dancing with Jackie at one of the parties, I became infatuated with her. I asked her out on a date, and she of course said yes. Now I had never gone out on a date before so I didn't know exactly what to do. And no one told me that movie dates are the worst first date you could go on. We sat in the theater eating our popcorn, eyes glued to the screen, not even looking at each other; the first of many awkward experiences. The worst part was that Amanda offered to drive us around since neither I or Jackie bothered to learn how to. Amanda couldn't have been more happy to see me going out with another girl, which I understand is something friends do, but when that friend has recently broken your heart, it kinda stings a little.
Fast forward four months. Now at this point we've decided to break things off for a while. Jackie has started dating this guy, let's call him "Matt." I had no problem with Jackie dating Matt, in fact I was happy that she found someone she could actually talk to. Matt and I are also good friends so, I was happy for both of them. Now with no one to distract my feelings, I began to feel old emotions rising again, I would often hang out with Amanda like we used to, but not in a way that would give any hints, just talking, and study sessions. I should have realized then that this was what it was meant to be like. Being single wasn't a bad thing, in fact I love being single. It makes you appreciate all the free time you once had to hang out with friends and get work done. This didn't last very long, because Jackie and Matt eventually broke up. I never got the exact details of why or how, but I do know that Jackie broke up with Matt, because she realized that she still loved me even though she was the one who broke up with me for Matt in the first place. Matt explained to me that he cared for her, and he wanted to see her happy, and that I should take her back. And I, being the stupid confused kid at the time, said "of course." And so, we began dating each other once more. The rekindled infatuation didn't last long, and I realized about a month in that things weren't going to work. Now came the biggest problem, how to break it to her. Now, just because I wasn't in love with Jackie doesn't mean I didn't care about her. She was genuinely sweet and innocent, and I couldn't bare to see her sad or upset.
It was only a few weeks later that I built up the courage to tell her, mind you I gave no clue as to how I really felt, in fact I made it seem like everything was just dandy, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. Of course, when I told her she was really confused. She asked me "Why? Why?" and I said "I'm sorry, I just don't think you're the one for me." At this point her sadness began to turn to anger. Something I had never seen in her before suddenly began to show. She said, "how dare you have the audacity to lead me on for so long. You know what? Fuck you." The words "fuck you" would have hurt less if she hadn't smiled and started walking away. But as I sat there, ashamed of what I had done, she did the worst thing she could have done to me. She turned back with tears running down her face and said, "I really did love you." And continued walking away. That must have been one of the worst days of my life. Eventually the sadness subsided, and she forgot all about me, which was probably for the best. Not once in our whole relationship did we ever say "I love you" to one another. But if I could go back and change what I did, I would have never gone out with her. I would have never gotten back together with her. I would have never led her on to believe that I loved her. And I would have never broken her heart.