I started dating a guy after we met online. He was great and we immediately hit it off. He was living proof that good guys still existed and I found myself starting to let go of the wall I had built after years of childhood abuse. After a couple weeks of dating he told me that he was falling for me, so I decided that it was time to tell him of my abusive past and the issues that came with it, which was when he told me that he would never do that to me(as he was crying through my stories). Soon, I decided that I was ready to lose my virginity to him, one of the last walls I had held on to. About a week after this happened, he started to pull away but insisted that everything was okay and blamed it on his cold. Shortly after Valentine's Day, he told me that he was a recovering sex addict, something he only told two other people. Having learned to face problems head on instead of running away, I told him that I would help however I could. Plus, I also felt like I would be a b*tch for breaking up with him when he was at a low point already. This went on for a few weeks, while he kept assuring me that our relationship was doing great. Gradually he started to change from the man I had met and into a total stranger, cussing all the time and never happy. Yesterday, he invited me to his house for lunch after going to church. That's when he decided to tell me that he felt incapable of any emotion, especially love. Wouldn't look me in the eye at all and just kept trying to lead me to broach the subject of breaking up. I knew it was all lies, but I played dumb, just trying to make him feel more horrible. He wouldn't even walk me to the door. I just can't understand why he couldn't just grow a pair and break up with me honestly. I feel so used.
I let a girl in for the first time in my life. Got used, destroyed etc. I thought girls usually go for the bad guy bec he is exciting and a challenge they feel like they want to fix. It seems like only the girls who have been used or hurt by jerks that realize ya know i could be with a really awesome nice guy. I could be wrong but from what i have witnessed i feel as though i am right. Good guys still exist I am one of a few. I told the girl I was with I didn't really want sex. Just her, bec she had a problem. Yet people have said are you gay etc. The answer is no. I care about people not what they can give to me but what I can give to them by putting them before myself. Another idea that seems to be in direct contrast to the world.
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