Tags: bad break ups
I want to share my story just to ease some pain...You know the worst part is when you have no one around you to share your feelings.....
I am from a typical Indian family.A girl who has always loved her parents more than anything in her life. Wanted to be with them always, take care of them. Infact I had decided that I'm never going to marry anyone ever.So, I never allowed myself to have any soft corner for anyone. I was happy but then someday I got a message from some old batchmate of mine on Facebook. Gradually we started chatting, sharing thoughts, jokes, started talking on phone and literally got addicted to each other. I started considering him as my best friend. He has always been real nice to me, always convinced me that one day I will find someone who will accept myself with all my responsibilities and will respect and love my parents like his own. And then after 6 months the day came when he proposed me. I was already having a hint of this from the past couple of days. I really liked him but had never thought about him like that because we had same gotra (we Indians are prohibited to marry someone with same gotra) . I never wanted to disclose my feelings to him but also didn't want to hurt him with a 'NO', So I told him this all gotra thing and convinced him to just be friends. But with time we just got drifted away and started living in an illusion that something will happen and we will be together in future...Decided that we will convince our parents and will marry with their permission....Started planning our lives together, fully committed, making all the promises to be together till the end, never realizing that they were all just dreams...We were madly, deeply in love. We completely accepted eachother as husband and wife...I was sure of one thing that it was not physical attraction though he was no less than Prince charming...I mean how could it be ...We haven't met each other for the last 7 years...
Time passed....We were so in love... I had never realized that this much love existed on earth. Even the feeling of having him with me made me so comfortable, cozy, relaxed...I felt so complete with him.....I never even required to say what I was feeling,,,we just not needed any words to express each other...
Then one day somehow my parents found out about us....I told them how much I love him and also assured them that I will never do anything without their permission....They were so mad at me...They said straight forward NO just because I being a female was having higher education that him...There was a big emotional drama......I tried my best to convince them but all in vain......And finally asked me to choose between them and him...This was even before I could tell them about gotra thing.....After all this I realized one thing that they are never going to accept us and if I somehow force them to or do something on my own, he will never get the respect he deserves....I love him but I respect him more.....I just can't bear this fact that my family don't respect my husband.....So, I broke up with him...Told him that they think that we will have ego clashes in future....He hates me for this...I know...Infact I hate myself too for this.....I feel so sorry that I couldn'd keep all the promises we made.....Everytime I think about this it feels like something cuts me from inside.....I know in this relationship it was me who was unfair.....It's been long time since we broke up but still every night I silently weep thinking about him...I still love him and miss him so much.....He was my first and last love......I know I will never be able to feel the same way again.....I am all broken.....People says that time heals all the wounds but in my case I feel like this pain is increasing day by day....This regret, this pain is my punishment.....And now I myself don't want to let it go...At least in this way he is with me....I know that I can never have him back but still wait for him forever.....And if some day I got to know about his marriage I will be the first person to be happy for him,,,at least he has moved on....
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