About nine months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. We had a relationship for about 4 years, but it felt like we knew eachother much longer because we saw eachother almost every day and we hardly ever had a fight. My (ex) girlfriend was a beautiful indonesian girl with mesmerizing dark brown eyes and the prettiest smile ive ever seen before. we had a lot in common and I love her like crazy ( i still do).The reason for our breakup was because of the fact that my parents are very traditional (im chinese btw) and strict. So that means that I am not allowed to date a girl that wasnt from the same root as mine and we are raised to have maximum respect for elder people, especially parents. In the beginning when we just started dating, my parents acted cool towards our relationship. that was because they didnt thought it was serious and they saw it more like friendship. But later when i told them that we are really boyfriend and girlfriend, they became mad and wanted me to find a chinese girl. I didnt listen to them and I Always had an argument with my parents because I love that girl so much. This went on for several years until that one moment i've had it all enough of all that fighting with my parents. Later ive been thinking about breaking up with her but i couldnt do it, i love her to much to lose her. I said before that im chinese and chinese people have a lot of respect for parents. so I told my parents: This is enough, I had it with all this fighting. I'll do whatever you want and break up with her''. This was the toughest I had to do in my life and when i saw her and didnt even told her in person. I broke up with her per text, because i couldnt watch her cry and suffer. I thought that i would get over her and that i would be one line again with my parents, but i was so miserably wrong. I still had arguments with my parents about other stuff and this went from bad to worse. plus i dont have my girlfriend to talk to about this stuff and support me. i thought that it would get better in the future but i was wrong again. its still the same it Always has been the same and now Ive lost the love of my life. I think about her everyday and i just cant forget her. everytime when I lay in bed i pretend that my cushion is her and that i hug her while I sleep and I even dream about her almost every night. I know that i sound like a complete idiot right now but i really still suffer. She moved on with her life and I still pretend in my imagination that I still have her. maybe i became mad or maybe im just an idiot. but one things for sure, this wound hasnt been healed a little bit and it wont be in a long time. it probably never will. but one thing is for sure, I still love her and I hope she will find happiness in the future, with me or without me.
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