Searching for "pen"

414 Results For 'pen'

Yana

April 17, 2013 @ (California)

We met through a mutual friend who was very close to both of us. Before meeting, the mutual friend actually told my ex that we were "perfect for each other".
The first few times we hung out, always in a group of friends, I thought he was cocky and full of it, but I was intensely attracted to him. One night at a party, I noticed he was kind of following me around. Every where I was in the house, he was too. He was adorable and shy, and I was forced to re-examine my first impression of him. We ended up talking for hours alone that night and we somehow intuitively knew so much about each other despite having been acquainted for such a short time. It was one of those magical moments in life when two human beings who are basically strangers really "see" each other, and love what they see.
We fell in love very quickly and intensely over the next few weeks. Time was always running away from us; he was supposed to leave the state in just a few months.
A year of long distance bullshit later, he stopped responding to me. Said he needed to have some time to himself, to figure things out. A week later he broke up with me. The reasons were never really clear but I think mostly he needed his independence to carve out his own place in the world, and he didn't feel he could do that with the pressures of our relationship. He said we were like two kids caught up in a fairy tale, and he had been hit with reality. Our fairy tale was the most important thing to me. We shared dreams of building a treehouse and living there in the wilderness with our kids and dogs and little vegetable patch. We called each other soulmates and "love of my life". I believed in it with everything I had. For me, this was my partner in life.
I was in a state of physical and emotional shock for some time after the break up. We vowed to remain close, to remain best of friends, because we both believed that love never really dies - even when two people part ways. Six months later he told me again I was his soulmate. Three days later he started to ignore me, which he has continued to do since (4 months and counting). This has truly been the most painful part of the whole experience. I believed so completely that this person, regardless of the current status of our relations, would always support and love and acknowledge me . By ignoring me, he has made me feel invisible, worthless, and crazy. Sometimes I think I made everything up in my head or that it was some crazy dream. More than I grieve for a lost lover, I grieve for the loss of a genuine connection with a person, the kind which is very rare in our world.

Lovehurts

April 04, 2013 @ (SC)

Tags: firstlove

My ex and I met in the beginning of my freshmen year. We hated each other at first, but eventually became friends and got very close. One day, she texted me telling me that she loved me a little "too much", so I took that as her saying she liked me. Long story short, we ended up dating. We were so connected it's ridiculous. We spent almost every single minute of every week and weekend together. Of course we had to hide our relationship, but we loved each other more than words can describe. I know we did. The pressure of hiding our relationship really got to me, so we eventually ended up telling our closest friends (we shared all of the same friends). They accepted us, and basically already knew because of the love that they saw radiating from us. We had a lot of problems, though. I was a jealous beyond belief person. I had trouble allowing her to go to any friends houses for fear that she would fall for one of them and leave me. I wanted her to be with me 24/7. I know realize that I needed to lighten up and trust her a little bit more. That was my big mistake. She, on the other hand, did not get jealous enough. She would never show me any kind of affection at school unless I begged for a kiss or hug. I know she might have been scared, but god. It was a year of being together. Get over the fear of PDA. Things clashed, and we just had many problems. This past week, I guess it all just blew up and she was not taking it anymore. We broke up, and she is now gagaing over someone else. She rebounded very VERY quickly. That stings like hell, but there is no talking her into getting back together. She won't budge on this. My only hope is that she dates this new person and sees how much I loved her and that nobody else will love her that way. For right now, I'm just trying to get over it all. Fml.

Kali

March 24, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: not understanding, sadness.

I figure typing this out would probably do good for my heart, so I have decided to tell you all about my quite recent (only a few hours ago but still had enough time to linger in my head) breakup.

This boy was literally my childhood friend. Bad idea, I know, but I digress. He meant the world to me as a kid, and we just recently re-met each other after not speaking for years. The chemistry was sorta ... instant.

However, obviously, it didn't last.
We spent the few days we were together talking, and talking, and talking. I actually felt like he really cared about me. Just the mentioning of his name made me smile and blush.

He and I had so much in common, we still do. Our religious beliefs, music, art..
I thought I had really made it good, that for once, someone would stay with me.

Obviously that couldn't happen.
I get a text late into the night - and it said it was him, and that he wanted to end our relationship because he "wasn't ready for one." Me, usually reacting quite the opposite of how I normally would've, take the passive approach toward him, saying "I'm fine, I understand."

I later on then cried, and cried, and then something quite stupid. Cut myself. I couldn't sleep, due to the pain in my legs (one of the places I had decided to cut,) and my little depression I had going on.

So to any girl, or boy, or whomever is going through a breakup, don't get to down. We're just one step closer to finding our one ticket to happiness.
Regardless as to however they broke up with you, it happened for a reason. Heck, you never know, you could end up with them again in the future.
You just gotta wait it out and roll your dice.

~Kali

Alanna

March 22, 2013 @ (ukraine)

Tags: break up, cheating

We started our relationship in October, 2010. From the beginning we were extremely comfortable with each other. Needless to say, we shared a level of intimacy that seemed unreal for two human beings to share. For a little over two years, everything was perfect, a strong word to use, I realize, but there seems as though there can be no other way to describe it, all I needed was him and all he needed was me, we’d spent most days together, and the time we were apart we spent communicating through one or the other form of technology, and it was never one sided. I would contact him as much as he would contact me. We became so codependent, irrational as it seems, it was hard to even ever imagine a life without him. I changed the way he thought, when I had had met him he was impulsive, to say the least. His character comprised of instinct and upbringing. He grew up in a large family, and now would be the right time to point out his islamic roots, his father has never had a ‘father to son’ talk and, initially, he too, was introverted. His thoughts, suppressed. I changed that, he no longer believes in following anyone without question, I eradicated his naivety. Before making a decision, he now rationalizes the consequences, or so I thought.
Although originally from pakistan, He lives in a first world country, two years, four months down our relationship, he was invited to pakistan, to attend the wedding of his cousin brother with his cousin sister, yes, cousins getting married is a perfectly normal thing to do in pakistan, never mind the incest or medical issues raised by it. Anyway, he was to be gone for two weeks.
Upon his return, I learnt, through no help of his, that while his stay in pakistan, he had cheated on me, with one of his cousins. Although, I know it is a possibility for any person to cheat, I would never think of him cheating on me. I still have trouble convincing myself some days.
But all that is done now, we broke up in February, 2013. Its been over a month now.
I have forgiven him for what he did. I am not sure if I would ever get back with him for the only reason of the risk of him repeating his impulsive action. It is futile to talk about this as it is under no intention of his to be with me.
We see each other everyday and on most weekends too. And I see him, looking at me, telling me how beautiful i look, noticing the slightest change of my appearance, our legs touching under the table even though there is clearly plenty of room to sit separate. All this is just so natural for me, it appears to almost be innate.
Well, I suppose it doesn’t help that even though we have broken up, we keep an active sexual relationship. We agreed that it was simply too good to let go and neither of us have had sex with another person after the break up, also, we currently live in a country where the chances of either of us having another relationship are slim. So for me, this set up is actually pretty good, but I suppose he wants more.

A common friend of ours is in a long distance relationship, and he currently has a girl visiting him who happens to like him, and to avoid any trouble, he asked my ex to ‘seduce’ her. I presume, it should not have surprised me, but when he jumped at the opportunity, I was left speechless. I was moving on, happy even, but this little event left me hanging dry, and feelings I was too scared to confront before have managed to finally push their way through. As I type this, he is meeting her, today, for the first time, in hopes to sleep with her. And I am left, feeling alone, unwanted, insecure. I feel as though he moved on too quickly, with so much desperation, it disgusts me, makes me feel disrespected. I worry that even the times in our relationship when we were happy was also a lie. I can not live with that truth.

Nameomitted

March 19, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: break up, long distance

We were never really official but this feels like a break up to me. We met in November. He was a military guy, no car, was leaving in a couple months. So at first we kept it casual. When he left on holiday leave we were both expecting him to return--he never did. Even though it was just a fling, it felt so unfinished. We'd text almost every day. At one point he said he missed me, and so I brought up the possibility of an LDR. We talked about the cost and how often we'd get to see one another, but in the end he said he hated LDRs, which I interpreted as a no. Yet we kept in touch, and I wanted to see him so badly. I wanted it more than I have wanted anything, I was so sprung on this guy. So I flew out to visit him last week. But I felt like he kept holding back, which in turn made me nervous. I froze up, and the entire week was a mix of silence and awkwardness. There were moments where we'd liven up, and we were only able to soften up physically--not just sex, but touches, caresses, neck rubs. The physical connection wasn't as crazy raw as I remembered it being, but we were still good together. It was still hot. However, I think my quietness got to him, and by the end of the week we were both exhausted. I could tell that he had run out of patience, and I had tired myself out by silently worrying and wondering and panicking. By the time I left we just waved goodbye. No hug, no kiss, not even a handshake.

On one hand, while I was out there I was noticing things about him that I didn't see before, and I would think to myself, "Hmm... no, I don't think we'd work as a couple." I know that we wouldn't. We have the same interests, and we're physically compatible. We're both thoughtful and affectionate. But intellectually, we don't really connect. Maybe I'm a little too independent for him? I don't know. We have different values. I actually found him to be kind of boring most of the time. He probably thought the same of me. I don't think we're actually boring people, but we tend mute each other out for some reason. But even with all that, it was one of the hardest break-ups I've had. Maybe because I was so invested in the dream of him, in the possibility, in the romantic star-crossed-lovers feel of the whole situation. That and my ego is kind of bruised. I was in love with his body, that's for sure.

I wanted it to be him, you know? I wanted him to tell me he wanted to work something out. I wanted to move clear across the country for him. I loved it out there and would love the adventure of it all, but I'm not going to lie that having him out there with me was the top reason I wanted to move. I wouldn't be alone. I have family and friends out there, so it wouldn't have been JUST for him. I guess I could still move if I wanted to, even if we never spoke again...

I hate that I get moody and distant when emotion overwhelms me. I shut off, and in those times it's nearly impossible for me to communicate how I'm feeling. When I panicked, I would push him away. That's one of the things I regret the most. I wasn't at my best, as hard as I tried. I feel... not good enough. Disheartened. The day he dropped me at the airport I still had a 2 hour wait, on top of a 6 hour flight. And I was fighting back tears the whole time. And I still have my spells of utter sadness.

In my heart, I know it's for the best. I know that I'll get over it, like I always do. I know that in time I'll look back and be able to see that it was a fun experience, and I'll be able to see how much I learned from it all. But right now, in the thick of it, it's a struggle to get through the day. I just want to go home and curl up and cry. But I have to work, and go to class, and be mature. And I don't want to annoy my friends and family by ranting and venting all the time, so I came here... It kind of helps, sharing this with strangers. So thanks.

N/A

February 28, 2013 @ (Ontario)

Tags: Timing, Love

I haven’t had much experience with serious relationships but this is one of the hardest things I've done. I would really appreciate some feedback from outside sources since I'm a popular guy but few people to go to in this city and certainly no shoulder to cry on.
Last night I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years; a girl I admire and daresay love (in many ways), who upon graduating, fought her hateful parents and moved to the city where I studied to complete my late ass degree. Free rent to help pay her loans and good job opportunities out of the question, she moved here to work to survive just to live with me.
We’re both 22 now, and we have known each other for a little over 2 years. Because of her anxiousness to date and my cautiousness it took us about 6 months to go from friends to official.
Moving in after a year was scary enough but done so that we could stay together. This loving girl knew she wanted me forever from the first few months. I was new to the whole relationship scene, and rather unsure. Naturally the thought that she was scared the crap out of me.
But we moved in, and as expected there were some rough nights. We were far from perfect, and her dependence on me paired with her inherent need to ‘have the final say’ on everyday issues tested my rationality regularly. In spite of a few terrible nights where we swore we were done, the year as roommates ended far better than expected. We had learned a lot about living with one another and grown our love. This was mostly because she did everything possible to be the perfect girl, she: is caring, generous, and sweet beyond belief, cooks fantastic meals, adopts new styles, and always promoted a good sex life. Still I felt unhappy – for a reason that was not immediately clear. I loved her, but I also restrained my interests for her sake at times. I feel that this is normal, but I also feel young and that there is much I want to do before I make the necessary sacrifices that come with commitment. In short - I felt that everything was moving too fast.
She never stopped pressuring me into the thing she wanted most from me - a promise. This was something that I couldn't give until I felt ready. She plans to have the security of an engagement ring within the next couple of years, and reminds me of that regularly. I love her, but this is my life too!
With what looks like 2 or 3 years before a real career begins for me, being ready to propose seems half a decade away. I tell her I want to enjoy the relationship we have and continue to work on it and grow together. When I talk to her about the pressure her sacrifices put on me she says she wants someone to match the love –and commitments- that she shows. Unfortunately I can't do that, and although I love her, I have to let her go.
Our timing was cruelly wrong, and I think it is finally time to stop ignoring that fact and use the time to explore myself and my desires. She could be the one, but that’s just not something I can decide yet.

N\a

February 20, 2013 @ (narnia )

Tags: can't even

I don't really know why I felt compelled to do this, but i mean why not. basically, me and this guy were together for about 10 months and i've never been more comfortable around a person ever. stupidly, i thought we were "perfect" for each other if there is such a thing but i was happy and i had let my guard down... which was also stupid because i know that only leads to being even more hurt at the end. anyways, everything was great and i'll always appreciate everything he's done for me but he's now lost every single ounce of my respect. I realized he began to change over the summer and there were several red flags that the relationship was going downhill. but of course, i didn't want it to end so i dealt with more bullshit than i ever should have put up with and i realize that now. but oh well, can't change that. come september (i think..) we had both changed. for me, it was due to an excessive amount of stress. school had just started again and my family problems had begun to escalate once again so obviously i wasn't myself but i thought i had him there to fall back on considering that's what i was led to believe. we started getting into arguments more often, sometimes my fault, sometimes his; we were both at fault. but when we spent time together on the weekends, which he always kept pushing for, everything was fine and arguments were almost non existent. so of course, i wasn't thinking about how badly i was about to get dumped. not even a week before he broke up with me, he had asked me to our school dance a month away on a night we had spent outside with a fire and smores, and laughing blablabla. a day or two after that he had asked me to his cousin's birthday party, even further than a month away and i had gladly accepted both offers. this gave me reason to believe that everything was gonna settle out again, i mean who wouldn't think that right? A couple days later, he dumped me & the night before that he told me that he still "loved" me (quotes because i hate that word). As he was breaking up with me, he was crying and gave me three excuses as to why he was doing it including stress sports and family pressure and he couldn't balance me in the equation. he also dropped the "but we're best friends. we can still be best friends" bomb on me at the same time and demanded hugs from me and also said that the past two weeks didn't feel the same to him. sometime during that two week period he had snuck over from about 1 in the morning till 6. honestly, i'm still confused about everything. & it gets worse. he texted me THREE times that night asking how i was and telling me about his family arguments and whatever and i was just like um what.

Jenny

February 20, 2013 @ (Canada)

Tags: boyfriend, liar

This all began after I had broken up with my ex ( connor.) I wanted something new and exciting. 2 weeks after, my bestfriend introduced me to a guy by giving me his number. His name was Mathew. Good looking, had his own car, fun

From the moment I met him there was something about him. He would always pick me up, bought me expensive gifts, which was unnecessary but I loved it. The thing with mathew was that, his stories never seemed to add up, and about the silly things. For example, he would tell me that he didnt like this movie, and a month later he would say he really liked it. We would always get in these confrontations because I never knew what was going on in his head. He was an amazing liar. He had many issues, his dad was an alcoholic, he had issues within himself. I wanted to be there with him every step of the way, I gave up so much for this guy. He had never told anyone he loved them before, it was a HUGE thing for him, and finally after seeing a psychologist for that and other problems, after a year we had been dating, he finally told me he loved me. I left for hawaii with my family shortly after, and we would talk on facebook even though I found he was being really distant.

When I came back, I had a feeling something was off. I asked him if he had been going out behind my back, and he took my hand, looked at my straight in my eyes and said " I promised I havent been lying to you about ANYTHING. " But that was lie within itself.

I found out that he had been lying to me, well everyone about his personality, who is he. As i mentionned above how he would lie about liking a movie, even a certain food- only to get me to like him. And it worked! He never ever told me things that he didnt like about me. If i did something to piss him off, he wouldnt tell me and he would go talk shit about me to other people to get his anger out.. I didnt know this. I had broken up with him, and he seemed really sad and guilty, so i offered a break, just for few days to think things over. 4 days later I contact him, and he tells me to get out of his life, he hates me, he was only with me cause he felt bad for me..? im so confused. Apparently he was just tired of pretending to be someone else around me, and having bottled up all his emotions he blew up on me.

What I fell inlove with was just a bunch of lies put together. Right before we went on break, he admitted to me that the psychologist wanted to send him to see a psychiatrist, im guessing to get diagnosed with most likely a personality disorder. Its hard for me to move on from here because I just keep thinking back on what was true and what was a lie.. Ill never know. I seen pictures of him clubbing 2 days ago and it hurt me so much. Im doing my best to move on, I really thought this guy loved me, I shouldve listening to the warning signs from the begining.

DT

February 19, 2013 @ (Bulgaria)

Tags: break up

Hey guys :) i've read some of your stories and i guess mine isn't as tragic but it still hurts... It all started the day after a friend's party me and 3 guys were kicked out of the house at about 8 in the morning and we decided we were hungry. So we went to Dunkin'Donuts. There we started talking and i realized how much in common we had with K[my ex]. After that we hadn't paid much attention to eachother but we started chatting on facebook. We got closser and closser with every single day we always chatted and when we weren't near a computer we texted. So on march 28th 2012 we started dating ^^ Everything was perfect we were always together we had mutual friends and everything was perfect... i was so HAPPY :)... i even gave my virginity to him ... But then things got bad... we started seeing eachother less and less... he stopped calling me or whatever... if i didn't write to him or call him he never would... he prefered to go to his pottheaded friends then be with me :). So the first time i hadn't heard from him for a week i told him that i want attention i know he's been on the computer i've seen his facebook posts FOR GODS SAKE! And he just looked with those puppy eyes said he was sorry and everything was right again :)... but no.. it happened again... and again... On the third time i asked him how would he feel in my place? What would he do? Did he know that i felt like i was there just so if someone asked him if he had a girlfriend he'd say yes? He just stayed silent... After that day ended i went home and i was expecting atleast a phonecall from him to bring me back.... Nope! Not even a message... So i wrote: after everything we've been trough i didn't even get one message... he called me. The same thing happened i talked he stayed silent... we said we'd meet... We did the samme thing and after the hundret time of me asking him what should i do and how does he think i feel he said i hope we stay friends.... The sad thing is 4 months after the break up i already have a new boyfriend that does EVERYTHING for me and treats me like a princess and i still can't get HIM out of my mind... and what hurts even more is that he doesn't give crap about me :) So i'm forced to see him everyday at school and act happy and fake...

Keller Connley

February 17, 2013 @ (Milford, Ohio)

Tags: First Girlfriend, Betrayel

Hello everyone. My name is Keller Connley, and this is the story of how my first girlfriend broke my heart. It was freshman year, and the homecoming was coming up. I was very desperate and asked a lot of girls to come with me, but they all said no. Finally, I asked this girl who I had only seen a few times during school, and she was in my math class. So, a week before homecoming, I asked her, and she said, "I'll, think about it." The next day, she told me yes I will go with you and gave me her number. Later that night, when we were texting, she told me that she had a boyfriend. I was shocked, since I would have never asked her if I had known. She said to not worry, because she wanted to break up with her anyway. So she did that, and a few days later we were going out. Homecoming was extremely fun and I had a great time with her.

So, during our time together, we did things, like go to the movies and hung out at my dads place. We didn't go all the way, since we were in ninth grade and both Christians. The furthest I went was halfway between 2nd and 3rd base.

We did this for eight months, but I started to realize that there were cracks in the relationship. We stopped spending every second of school outside of class together, and we also didn't text as much as before, since I had broken my phone.

The straw that broke the camels back, however, was in fact my best friend for 3 years. He got jealous, and somehow convinced me she was cheating on me, and convinced me to give him her number. That was on Sunday May 6th 2012. She confronted me the next day, and started asking me weird questions. Apparantly, my friend had told her lies, such as that I watched gay porn, and that I had my eyes on this black girl in school. I dismissed these lies, and life was normal again. However, on May 12th and 13th, when we talked over the phone, she told me that she had feelings for my friend. On May 14th, when school started, she broke up with me, and shattered my heart. I later found out that she had asked out my friend no more than 19 minutes later. My birthday was that Saturday.

For the following 2 weeks, I broke down in tears many times, both in and out of class. She in my opinion is being controlled by him because he has threatened me with violence, and the few times I have been able to speak to my ex, she tells me, " I shouldn't be talking to you. Randy is very jealous, and I don't want him to hurt you."

Now, since it's been almost a year, I am going to try and talk to her again. What do you guys and gals think I should do?