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Broken (part 4)

May 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Three weeks into my still ongoing vacation i get a call from a friend. Says he wasn't in paris with his friends for new years but with his so called ex-wife who is not an ex wife and never was. I feel a flutter of wrongs come back into my stomach. I feel a volcano of emotions. But most of all i feel like puking I puke out everything, the lies, the emotions, the hurt, the champagne, the empty promises, the real promises? I don't know at this point but i keep puking and then i cry. I cry for the lies he has told me and i cry for the two hearts i broke because of him. I cry for the man i let go and i cry for the mistake i have made. I cry for lying to myself and ignoring all the red signs, i cry for believing him, and mostly i cry because i can't and won't let him go. I call him i break up with him. He doesn't run after me and won't run after me. I block him and then unblock him i do this for the next 3 months. once i unblock him i hurl insults at him through Facebook, text messaging, voice messaging. I feel empty so i block him again. I do it again and this time we go back to saying i love yous but then the anger rises in me and i hurl my insult my pain at a screen. So i block him again. I unblock him and so it begins a cycle. I laugh sometimes. My friends stare at me. They used to call me the ice queen now i am the melting queen. I have break downs and melt downs. I can't hurl my anger at him so i hurl it at them whenever they'r ehappy i do it when they're down i do it when they're sad i do it. I don't know myself. The last time i blocked him was 7 days ago today i say its done its over. But deep down i don't know if it is. I love him as a child loves its favourite blanket or as mother loves her unborn child. I love him as if he were the beat of my heart and soul. I feel a physical pain when i see a flash of his smile in my head. I miss him so much that its physically painful to breath. I tell myself it is better to have loved and lost then to have felt no love at all. Then i google and try to find who said that quote and i then i want to find them and murder them. I want to see if they really have loved and lost because anyone who has truly loved. As in loved with their entire soul and finally understood what i would die for you would never ever ever say such a fucking stupid quote. So i go online and i try to find sad break up stories. I find this website but all the stories are about 18 year olds whom portably thing they have found true love. And i think to myself they are only 18 and they don't know what love means. But then i look at myself and i remember i was 18 and i knew love and look where that love has brought me. Which really is nowhere.

Broken (part 3)

May 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Tags: bad breakup

He says she has made his life a living hell and he wants to get out. I say whatever makes you happy and he gives me this smile that makes my heart stop. I lie to him and say i don't have a boyfriend. I go out of my apartment and call him. I say he's here. He says great now go and have fun i love you. I do too i say and don't mean it. Because all of a sudden i realize no other amount of love will ever come as close as the way i love him. I finally realize when people say if its love you will know. I don't care that he has two kids, i don't care that his wife is a bitch, i don't care that he has so much baggage that he literally is the baggage claim. I care about none of it. Because when i am with him i need nothing. The world without him means nothing. And what is a world without nothing to live for? So we go on vacation. We leave the country and go away. At first we are friend and nothing else. It starts with silly jokes, past memories, the brush of his hands against mine, the way he accidentally touches me, the way he pokes me when he thinks i am not listening. Then before you know it you're both falling madly in love. I had already been in love but this time its his turn to feel what i feel. And he does. He feels it with a passion i did not see coming. Then the planning of the future comes. He promises me a grand wedding, the telling of our families, the happiness our fathers would feel at the news. We talk about how we would raise his kids and whether i should learn how to cook healthy options. He leaves and i cry at the airport. I break up with my boyfriend and forget all about him. As if he never existed. I stay up until 4 am everyday so i can be on his time. I sleep all day and am up all nigh. He's worth it i say. I get too tired to go to work, too tired to go out with friends he's all i think of. He calls he says its over the divorce is final and he will send me a ticket to vista him after january (2015). I cry whether its from joy or the foreshadowing of our future i can't tell. I quit my job, i sell the few things i owe, i pack my life up and go to vegas with my best friends and he hits Paris with his. I am on the phone with him on new years i say happy new years love of my life. He says happy new years my soul but i have to go now my guy friends are waiting for me. I feel a pang of something a flutter of wrongness but i ignore it and keep on dousing champagne. I smile and think to myself this year is going to be great.

Broken

May 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Tags: bad breakup

I met him at 18 while travelling abroad. He was a childhood friend that my mother insisted i visit even if its for a few days. Our fathers were best friends and as children they had always joked that we both would end up together. I was 18 he was 19. The day he came to pick up me up at the airport was a day i will never forget. Even though i had never met him i remember running into his arms as if i had known him my whole life. As if my soul knew him long before i had even known him. I ended up only spending two days in his home country as i was back packing through Europe and had not thought much of staying there for longer. Another reason was that i was travelling with my best friend and she wants interested in last minute change of plans. I never imagined i would feel this way about him. After spending two wonderful days with him i promised i would end my trip back in his country and fly back from there. However that never happened. I had a family emergency back home and had to fly back mid way through my trip. However once i got back i could not stop thinking about him. And let me tell you at that point i had a great boyfriend and once i came back from my trip i no longer felt anything for him. So i broke it off. What i didn't realize at that moment was that he never wanted what i wanted. I wanted him and he didn't think we would work because i was so different from him. Two years later he got married to a girl and he kept in touch through out the years. He would message me happy birthday or miss you come visit. I never replied. I blocked his memory out of my life because after all what do you know when you're 18? You think you're in love and you have met your soul mate but everyone tells you you're too young to know. So i blocked him and every single memory of him. Forward it to 8 years later. I am 26 living alone, have a great boyfriend whom i see a future with, a great job. I get a call early morning 3 am my time. Its him. He says he's going through a divorce and wonders if it would be okay for him to visit. I think nothing of it. I don't even remember that i once had feelings for him. I just think sure come why not i can show you around. I don't over think it, i tell my boyfriend and he's okay with it as he will be out of town anyways and thinks its a great idea for him to come. After all he says he's going through a divorce why not be there for him. I should have known i would regret this i should have known nothing ever good comes out of him but i didn't.

John

May 21, 2015 @ (Ohio)

Tags: Rough

*Hi! So I'm labeling myself as John and the gf as Tonya (neither of these are the real names btw) and keep in mind it's not very interesting as we are only 13 year old adolescents but I digress.*
So, Tonya and I have been following each other on social media for a while only admitting to close friends our attraction for the other. We have never talked irl since we had no classes together. My school was holding a social eventXD on Oct. 31st and we both happened to go. We talked and had a great time and we didn't even know about the other liking the other yet. We started texting etc. and finally, on Nov. 8th, we started dating. The next few months of my life were the best even if there was a lot of arguing. It never was serious so we just didn't mind.(none of this happened irl, only whilst texting which is why I loved always being near her) Anyways, in March, we argued like Hell for a few days and here's how it went down. We just randomly started being awkward around each other then we started to fight, yatatatatata, and she was about to break up with me but I convinced her not to but the next day I asked her if she loved me then we started fighting again so I told her to not talk to me until tomorrow(Which is when I would be breaking up with her) but I only asked her that because we started fighting the day before because she said she didn't love me like she did a month ago. She treated it like it was a stupid question so yeah. That night, all I did was cry, I didn't sleep. I cried. The next day we broke up and i started crying while I broke up and we hugged then we stopped texting for a while. It still hits home every time I think about it cuz she went for at least a month just dating me because she felt like she had to.
Recently, I've been trying to get on her good side because in a week or so, we have a dance coming up and I want to try again.
My attempts at getting on her good side are horrible and keep getting worse so, wish me luck

Layla

May 19, 2015 @ (LA)

Tags: Bad break up

So, I had this boyfriend in high school. He met me through social media and he went to my school but I've never seen him around. He messaged me and he was messaging a bunch of other girls that he was also interested in. But when we were texting, he didn't reply for a week. And I had an awful gut feeling about him, idk why. But I was a fool for not listening to it. Anyways, after that week, he finally messaged me and he continued for a while. Then he asked me out on a date. Boy was I excited. My first date. We went to the movies and he bought my ticket already. It was sweet. Then after a month he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and things were well. The problem was, he lied to me about everything. Which caused me to always be sad. He would still follow girls that he used to have feelings for. I politely asked a bunch of times and gave him hints it bothered me. And he knew it. I mean, I appreciated all the dates and flowers. We were together for 7 months. I gave him me. He gave me him. We were in love. But little did I know, he wasn't. It was hard dating someone who would stare at girls for 15 minutes when you would go on dates. I wished he looked at me the way he looked at them. And of course I wasn't perfect, but I did EVERYTHING for him. All I wanted was to make him smile. At the end of the relationship, he followed back 7 girls and I was furious. I was at practice and saw and I just almost clasped. I knew things were going down hill. Then the day of the break up he comes to my house and he claims to be a gentleman he honked at me to come outside. Then he brings me to a park and writes a list of things that he thought was wrong with me. Example on the list "playing games" I asked for 1 thing, stop following girls he used to like and stop lying to me. I knew he was lying about everything. And 1 girl I knew he really liked. Which was hard. So anyways, he told me I was immature and I'm always sad. I'm always sad because my boyfriend wants other girls. But truthfully it wasn't worth it to fight about it. So I just said he was right. And he asked me to prom then he just ripped it away from me. First he said "I want you to still think if you wanna go to prom with me" then to " I need time to think" then to "I can't do this anymore" he is a compulsive liar. And seeing him follow girls and not respecting my wishes hurt. Because I cared more than anything for this guy. I just wanted to make him smile. I would leave little treats in his locker and write him notes. But I was too nice, and he was really cocky. Like one time he told me "appreantly the whole cheerleading team likes me" and he just was rude. The way he ended the relationship was not what a true gentleman would do. Which he claims to be. I don't care how many flowers you get me, if you lie and constantly want other girls, and don't respect my wishes. You shouldn't be here. Then, 2 days after we broke up, he was already talking to a girl. Seeing prom pics was hard but I'm getting over the whole situation and I'm a better person because of it. Karma is a bitch, and it will hit him. Because I wasn't the prettiest or the smartest, but I swear I loved him more than any girl would ever. So ya, just know loves things get better.â¤ï¸ðŸ˜Š

C_papillon

May 19, 2015 @ (Melbourne, Australia)

Tags: Bad breakup, living together, phone break up

I was in a very committed relationship with my ex, where we moved in with each other after one and a half years. Things were going well (I thought) with the occasional bickering of two people who live together but there was never a day when we didn't say we loved each other. About six months in, one day after we had spent a lovely day pulling 'sickies', having brunch, watching our favourite TV show together, I received a phone call from our landlord while at work. She was calling me to confirm if someone under the name of (my ex), needed a reference for a new lease. I thought it was some sort of mistake so I told her not to worry about it and hung up. She called back immediately and suggested that I find out what the situation is from my ex. So, I duck out thinking I'd make a quick phone call to sort out a silly misunderstanding. He picks up after a couple of rings, I tell him the story and his reply was 'Yes, I'm really sorry you had to find out this way but I'm moving out tonight, I was going to tell you after work'. It was a legit WHAT THE F. moment.

SU

May 17, 2015 @ (US)

Tags: Bad Break Up

An Open Letter To My Ex Boyfriend â€“ â€˜Thank You For Leaving Meâ€™
Hey, Ex-Babe!

Remember me?

It wasnâ€™t long ago when we were planning our future together, fantasizing about our honeymoon, naming our future kidsâ€¦ You promised me forever and I promised you my eternal love! You treated me like a princess, showered love unconditionally, cared for me, stood by me, stood for me and made me feel like I was the luckiest girl alive on this planet. It was almost like I was under a spellâ€¦ a beautiful spell of your enchanting words, spontaneity and steaming romance. Your words... they still echo in my mind and leave me speechless for hours. I never believed in love, you made me a believer.

Remember, how I started giving up everything you dislikedâ€¦ late night study plans, 9-5 job, even talking to my closest friends. Remember, how my whole life started revolving around you and I started being there for you ALL THE TIME! I donâ€™t know when you became the most important person in my life and when to make you happy became the sole reason of my existence.

Our little world was sweet but full of hurdles. I always thought our love was enough to pave our way through our struggles, but I was wrong. You failed the biggest test of our relationship... you caved when our relationship needed you to take the most dreaded step. Instead of making efforts to make things right for us, you left, without any warningâ€¦

Read More: http://goo.gl/IfdL10

Ryan

May 16, 2015 @ (United States)

Tags: Bad Breakup

Exactly a year ago I met someone special, the moment I set my eyes on her I knew she was something of one of a kind, I was a typical high school student and she was as well. It took me a month before I worked the courage to speak to her and my gut was right, she was the most beautiful person I have ever met. She was weird and quirky and funny and stupidly silly. The school year ended and thats when it started to get serious. We spent our summer together and did many things, she taught me how to swim(because I never trusted anyone around water due to my hydrophobia) and we went on vacation together(her parents payed for my trip lol) It was honestly one of the happiest times of my life. We barely fought and if we did we made up each time like it was nothing and moved on with our days. I grew blinded by my affection soon after, I loved this girl and I was terrified to admit it. Soon after the next school year started, I could feel the distance happening. Which caused me to become jealous, scared, etc I was panicking and didn't know what to do. I could see it coming and it did. She broke up with me, telling me she didn't want a relationship right now blah blah blah. I crashed and burned, I was so devastated that I just wanted to hurt myself(of course I didn't) she then led me on for a few months, would kiss me, try and comfort me when I was down, she even came over to my house and slept with me, but in the end she would always use that excuse and it pushed me even further down... causing me to push her even further away without realizing it... Ever sense then I've just been realizing what I did wrong and been bettering myself, dating new people most guys would say my life has been pretty great for some of the girls that are chasing me.. but all I can continue to think about is her. The one that got away. That all I can do is pray because I knew her reason of leaving me was complete crap, especially since she's with someone else now. I just wish her the best while I sit and wish I had the best. She's still deep in my heart and I see people hating on their ex and everything, but even though she did me wrong I can't help but wish she has the best for her. I just know that if I was with her now, things would have been much different and she'd still be mine, but that's my new found confidence that I will hope to be able to use with someone of the same or better amount to offer... I've learned a lot and even though I still am upset about her, maybe we're better off. Or maybe it was the bad timing, I'm now 18 and i'm still young. Life ahead of me is something to shine about.

Kay

May 13, 2015 @ (east coast)

Tags: bad breakup

I'm probably going to post all of my breakups on here. I'll start with the boyfriend I had freshman and sophmore year of high school. I'll call him Neil. I knew him in elementary school and we hated each other at that point. Fast forward to high school when I run into him again. I end up having a crush on him and us being in the same friend group everyone supported us. We dated for about two and a half years when he started being really abusive. He raped me. He beat me. He verbally abused me.

When I finally realized what was going on and came to my senses, I told him we were over one night. He got pissed and started threatening to kill himself. My mom called his mom and found out that it was just an act he was putting on. Needless to say I am happy that I broke up with him.

AZ

May 11, 2015 @ (United States)

Tags: first Love, First break up, second chance, back together

My story might be a little different, but still the same feelings, the same pain. I am a guy and i fell in love with another guy this was my first relationship with a guy. We met in March of 2014 everything was great from day one. We met at a parking lot at the willowbrook mall in Houston, TX. We were great together, we wouldn't go 24hrs without texting each other. He told me from the begining he was scared of getting hurt and wanted to take everything slow, he said he had moved too fast before and only ended up getting hurt. He didnt want to make the same mistake this time. We never became an official couple, but we were officially dating. He told me what he was feeling was getting stronger and it was freaking him and he didnt want to lose me. We went on a few road trips, Marfa, TX Austin, San Antonio it was great. We used to see each other a few times per week almost a year later we started seeing each other less and less, he put this big distance between us i didnt know why and it was killing me. In October I decided to ask him to take it to the next step, he straight out said no, he didnt want to get hurt or move to fast. I told him i would wait for him. We kept hanging out, things were ok I was already in love, but i was also scared. so in March i finally decided to put the fear aside and tell him i fell in love with him and that i love him so at least he knew how i feel, i didnt want to pressure him. When i told him he probably freaked out, he was more quite than usual. I started feeling sad, i didnt want to lose him. I told him to tell me if he wasnt interested anymore or didnt want to continue dating. He said he was just figuring out himself. On March 18th saw him again and it was the last time i saw him, i texted him he didnt reply at that moment i thought he was ignoring me, avoiding me, he texted me back he said he wasnt. I felt he didnt want to talk to me or hang out anymore it was killing me i didnt know if i did anything wrong, he told me there was not a thing wrong with me that it was all him and he wasnt ready. i told him i had faith we will end up together i had hope he would shop up at my door and tell me he wanted to give it a chance. He said maybe someday, he wasnt ready yet, but he wasnt going to disappear or quit talking to me. That was his last text. He completely ignored me, I didnt know why, i didnt know what happened or what i did wrong. I still havent gotten a text from him. I did everything i could to be together. This is the first time I was in a relationship with a guy, I never thought i could love someone, i never thought i could love a guy this much. I accepted all these feelings, I was ready to tell my family if i had to. Its almost two weeks since he ignored me, his silence is killing me, he didnt give me the gift of closure. I dont know what hurts more to feel that i lost him, to have accepted all these emotions or to be ignored and i dont know why or what happened or if i didnt anything wrong. This is the first time i feel this, the first time i suffer for someone. This is the first time i love someone and it was a guy. And the worse thing is that i still have hope that he will show up at my door, i hope he is just figuring out himself to finally be ready and start something with me. He will be ready someday, he will give someone a chance, i wish that someone was me, i wish it was me the one to make him happy. I love him, he will always be my white guy, the one who brought light into my life.