Tags: Funny
3 things on my mind.
Violence,
breasts and
engines.
-Tread Dickless aka Dick treadless.
Tags: Bad Breakup Terrible
So I met this beautiful woman at my job, we hit it off. Had fun she was exciting, I seriously felt like she was the one. Now about month number 3 we had an issue, my ex texted me one night. I didn’t even know it till the next morning, now I and my ex hadn’t talked for a while. We were still cordial with each other, and she knew my situation. So I was in the shower at the girlfriends’ house getting ready for work, and she knocks on the door to tell me I had a text. Now up until this point everything was wonderful, I look at the phone and my ex texted me that “I still love you goodnightâ€. Now the girlfriend went apeshit! Put my phone in the toilet, poured bleach on it got it out threw around the house. Hit me with a damn baseball bat and her fists, her damn dog was even attacking me. Now I know I should’ve bailed then, but we got back together. And we’re in our 30’s. Now there were several more incidents that happened that topped that incident. Okay now the breakup is batshit crazy! So about 3 weeks ago we were going to meet up at her house for dinner and to work out. Her mom was still in town after New Year’s. So I stay about 45 minutes away from her and we were supposed to get there around the same time. I got about 10 minutes away from her house and asked where she was at, she said she was coming from the mall with her girlfriends but she was driving. I told her that to let her mom now that I’m coming through the garage so she won’t be startled when I come in, she said okay. So I beat her to the house, as I’m getting my bags out of my truck she calls me. I answer and say where you are, she tells me that she’s been shot! I said SHOT BULLSHIT! She said someone had shot her on the freeway while she was driving and she wanted me to come to her before she died. NO shit this came out of her mouth. So I immediately get back in my truck and I’m gunning it, she’s still on the phone the entire time. I spot a cop by a gas station and pull over to him and tell him that my girl has been shot and she’s driving toward the exit. So we go get closer and I’m talking to her the entire time. Take it I am a former Army Combat Medic so immediately knew just by her talking and how cohesive she was I knew her airway and breathing were good, but it was the circulation I was worried about. She pulls up and Holy Fuk her car was shot up like Tupac’s! Holes everywhere! She left the hospital that night with 2 superficial wounds to the back of her head, blessed to be alive! I get to her house and she said she didn’t see anything, nothing no description nothing. Now I’m not a guy who lives outside of reality, so I asked did she owe somebody money, or was it another guy or something. She said no. Take it I couldn’t sleep when we got back to her house I already have PTSD and that shit triggered the hell out of me! So ii stayed up and read my Bible but something in my spirit told me to leave that house. I stayed with her that Sunday, cleaned her wounds even prayed with her. So I went home, and I have a busy schedule but I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable at her house, and that her and her mother can come lay low at my house for however long, even offered my truck. But something inside of me just told me to fall back, and I felt bad because I knew she had just been through some serious shit. But once my mom and friends found out about the incident they told me not to fuck with her! So for two days I stayed away, we still talked but she didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t there! So I knew she had another car at her house that runs, but it had been sitting up so long it had grime built on top of grime. So I take my pressure washer over there to clean it up so they wouldn’t be driving a car that looks like shit, ironically she wasn’t there at the time. But a white Tahoe pulls up by her mailbox and asks me do I live there. I said no i don’t, it pulls off. Couldn’t get a license plate number because of how her driveway sits. So I call her she said that I’m not there for her and that’s it, blocks me, no commo. Now if that aint grimey enough, the cops call me in, and question me as if I had something to do with the shit! I literally held my scarf to her head to stop the bleeding, but I feel like that was not a random act of violence. So yea I feel played like fuk! Crazy shit huh?
Tags: First Girlfriend, Betrayel
Hello everyone. My name is Keller Connley, and this is the story of how my first girlfriend broke my heart. It was freshman year, and the homecoming was coming up. I was very desperate and asked a lot of girls to come with me, but they all said no. Finally, I asked this girl who I had only seen a few times during school, and she was in my math class. So, a week before homecoming, I asked her, and she said, "I'll, think about it." The next day, she told me yes I will go with you and gave me her number. Later that night, when we were texting, she told me that she had a boyfriend. I was shocked, since I would have never asked her if I had known. She said to not worry, because she wanted to break up with her anyway. So she did that, and a few days later we were going out. Homecoming was extremely fun and I had a great time with her.
So, during our time together, we did things, like go to the movies and hung out at my dads place. We didn't go all the way, since we were in ninth grade and both Christians. The furthest I went was halfway between 2nd and 3rd base.
We did this for eight months, but I started to realize that there were cracks in the relationship. We stopped spending every second of school outside of class together, and we also didn't text as much as before, since I had broken my phone.
The straw that broke the camels back, however, was in fact my best friend for 3 years. He got jealous, and somehow convinced me she was cheating on me, and convinced me to give him her number. That was on Sunday May 6th 2012. She confronted me the next day, and started asking me weird questions. Apparantly, my friend had told her lies, such as that I watched gay porn, and that I had my eyes on this black girl in school. I dismissed these lies, and life was normal again. However, on May 12th and 13th, when we talked over the phone, she told me that she had feelings for my friend. On May 14th, when school started, she broke up with me, and shattered my heart. I later found out that she had asked out my friend no more than 19 minutes later. My birthday was that Saturday.
For the following 2 weeks, I broke down in tears many times, both in and out of class. She in my opinion is being controlled by him because he has threatened me with violence, and the few times I have been able to speak to my ex, she tells me, " I shouldn't be talking to you. Randy is very jealous, and I don't want him to hurt you."
Now, since it's been almost a year, I am going to try and talk to her again. What do you guys and gals think I should do?
Tags: crazy, psycho, weird, funny
This one was definitely my funniest. This total nutjob I hated myself enough to date at the time was a nightmare. Never shut up, had no personality, was an entitled, spineless child, tried to absorb every little trend that ever happened in order to make himself look cool, treated me like dirt, lied, stole, and despite never going to college, counted himself as "the most learned person he knew" because he'd figured out how to read Wikipedia. Also, he was insane. (And now he's SINGLE, ladies! Have at him!) One day, I had the epiphany "OH MY GOD I ---HATE--- THIS PERSON". Oddly enough it was during sex. Not sure why, but moving on. Now, I don't condone what I did in response to this, but I was young and cowardly, so there you go. I was at home the next day and I got a text from him. I was going to reply, but then I suddenly thought..."What if I just didn't respond? Ever? Ever again? Could it be that easy?" So that's what I did. A few days later the texts and calls stopped. I couldn't believe it worked. Almost. A week later out of the blue, he ruins my euphoria by showing up at my house and screaming that "he would break up with me" if I didn't stop ignoring him. So I was like... "Uhhh...okay bye!" and tried to go back inside, but he barged in after me and started ranting "all the reasons" he'd been "planning" to break up with me for "months". To which I was like "Dude, gtfo my house, or cops will be called." Then he responded by saying there was no way I'd go on living without him, that I'd kill myself without him--in retrospect I don't know how I wasn't literally rolling on the floor laughing. Eventually I said "Fine, if I stop texting you assume it's because I killed myself in depression, now leave." And then he starts wailing and wailing and telling me he'll kill HIMself if I break up with him. All I could say to that was "Yeah, well, good luck with that." Then I shoved him until he was out the door and threatened him with violence not to return. It must've been pretty convincing, because when he bumped into me a few months later he RAN the other way. Like I said. Giant coward. Memorable story for me though.
Tags: Cheating, Pregnancy, BreakUp
Me And My Girlfriend Have Now Been Knowing Each Other For 5 Years, We Met Back In 05' She Was "Wife Material" I Had Made It Clear On How I Felt About Her. However At The Time Gang Violence Was At A High In My Neighborhood So My Family Moved Me To Atlanta(The Other Side Of The U.S.). With Such Distance Between Us The Relationship Weakened And We Broke Up. Seeing How I Was Only 16 And She Was 18 You Would Figure. A Month Later I Called Her And She Was Pregnant, I Was Soo Hurt That This Girl I Stayed Faithful To, Had Moved On So Fast With Such A Big Step. . .Last Year I Moved Back Here To San Diego 09' We Seen Eachother, Messed Around, Had A Baby! It Seems We Have Grown Alot Since 16-18 were 23-22 "Her Bdays Next Month" But Since The Feeling Of Being Betrayed By The First Birth Of My Girlfriend I Find It Hard To Fully Trust Her. Around Friends, Family, Her-Friends I Might Not Noe About Pratically Any Opposit. Im Saying When I was 15-16 Everyone Was A Big Player And Pimping And Carrying On, I Was Too, But I Put All That Aside For This Lady Who Now Has My Baby And All It Took Was On Month Of Absence And She HAd A Child WIth Another Man! How Can I GEt Past That? (She Also Had Sex With A Close Relative)
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