Searching for "anger"

52 Results For 'anger'

Jordyn

October 19, 2012 @ (California )

Tags: Breakup long term relationship

I was in a relationship since September of 2009 and it just ended recently, not to long ago, in May 2012.
I was confused, lost, in denial, anger. And I still am, it's been really hard.
I really thought he was the one, well I still do.
Me and him did everything together, I saw him everyday until late night and he would spend the night on the weekends quite often.
We went out a lot to the movies, the beach, Disneyland, and new places every weekend. He took me out to dinner almost every weekend, he did anything to make me happy.
We always spoke about the future, college, getting married, having kids, growing old together.
I just don't know what went wrong. One day, he suddenly wanted to break up because he is 'not ready to commit' and wasn't aware of the seriousness of our relationship - after 2 years, he finally decides he was too young to be in such a serious relationship.
And the worst of all, he never ever said anything about being unhappy with me until the day he broke up with me. He was hiding all his feelings from me, while I was being honest with him all along.
I just don't understand. To me, our love felt real. Like really real. I honestly feel like he is the one, still today after 5 months of being broken up. I still love him, I will always love him. He never did anything bad to me. He treated me like a princess, he was my best friend. We had so many good laughs and memories together. We were practically married. We were so comfortable with each other. Every one of our friends thought we were going to actually get married and when they heard that we broke up - they thought that I was the one who did it, but incidentally it was the other way around.
Every one thought he would never leave me, that he was so in love with me. And I thought so too, and I felt secure with him because I thought he was one of those rare guys who actually stays committed in a relationship. But I guess I was wrong.
It's just so hard, I'm trying to let go. But I think about him everyday, he was the only happiness in my life. Now I'm trying to find my own happiness, and I have managed. But nothing makes me as happy as he did. I loved him more than anything, more than my family. I know it was wrong of me, but it was true. He was my first priority and I was his. I never treated him badly, I never cheated on him, or anything. I loved him with my whole heart and soul and this is what I get in return? A broken heart.
I just wonder if he ever thinks about me. I wonder if he misses me.
Oh and we don't speak. Well atleast, he doesn't talk to me. From what I have heard is that he hates me because he realized that he missed out on life because of me ('life' referring to parties and drinking and what not). So he hates me because he didn't get to experience life the way he wanted to. Which is stupid because he knew what kind of relationship he was getting into since day 1. It took him two years to realize that he was missing out on life? We weren't missing out on life, I mean we didn't party like the way he does. Instead, we went on dates to new places every weekend. We had movie nights, dinner dates, etc etc. I mean we weren't a boring couple, we were always doing something. But I guess he just want to party and get smashed or something. Well that's what he's doing now from what I've been hearing.
I hope one day he realizes that he messed up, I hope one day he realiZes how wonderful our relationship was. I hope one day we can be friends again. I just miss him so much, and I know it's not good. I feel like I'm missing a part of me. And I know time heals all wounds, it has definitely been a bumpy ride in the last 5 months, some good and some bad times but I try to stay optimistic about the future.
Any advice?

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Kimberly

March 10, 2012 @ (Indiana)

Tags: YoungLove

We didn't talk much and he was one of those "to cool" kids.I am a mexican girl in like a white school.So i never actually got to grab his attention.I then was in his class for 5th grade.At first we didn't talk much.But then i gave him my number.We talked all day long every single day.We got closer and closer.The thing is he had a girlfriend named (changing name) Sam.They have been dating for a while and he loved her very much.As time went by i had huge feelings for him.I Then Told Him I Liked Him So Much.We were the best of friends.As time passed again he told me he had feelings for me too.Then summer of 2011 he broke up with Sam.We then went out June 1st.We were such a cute couple in school.I Would Always Kiss Him Hold His Hand Everything You could imagine was cute in the relationship.I Then Became Jealous of him Talking to Sam.He was jealous i talked to boys too.We would fight after the next 3 months in our relationship.I loved him sooo very much and still do.Then February came of 2012. I Became very frustrated and had so much stress on me.I Broke Up with Him.He kept begging me back and asking me out,i would always say NoNoNO and change the conversation.We were both a mess.I Cried every night.His friends would tell me he was a mess.But the next thing i know i get a text.He said he was with Sam again.My heart collapsed.He cheated on her kissing me like three times.I Caused them trouble and he told me to keep quiet about him cheating.I Then Busted out with anger and said stuff i wish i didnt.Now we have a awkward friendship with hate.He is still with sam.And i still love him more than anything but im moving on and i Am annoying telling him i want him back.He then said it feels bad when the one you love rejecting you doesn't it.I Then Still waste my time thinking about him and being forever alone.

Jessica

March 02, 2012 @ (Texas)

Tags: Bestfriends, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love,

Hey everyone,

First of all, I'm going to change his name to...Johnny. Anyways. So Johnny and I had been bestfriends for a while. We were the best of best friends. We memorized eachother's daily routines down to when we got up to when we slept, what class we had on what day, and had a lot of insiders. He went to a school a little far from where I live so we never really saw each other because we met on Facebook but we had Skyped a lot. It wasn't until he said he was in love with me but at the time, i was in another relationship with a guy I had been with for a year and some months. Very sweet guy. But when it came to communication, my boyfriend at the time would never really talk to me. Every time I'd cry or feel sad I always went to Johnny because he was always there. At any hour of the night, i could call him and even though he was asleep he'd wake up just to talk.

So October cam around and I had feelings for Johnny as well but I knew I had to probably break up with my boyfriend at the time because things became very distant. My boyfriend at the time was going to San Francisco for 2 months. He couldn't even keep up communication when we were apart (and him living in my same area) what made you think he'd still talk to me when he left so I broke up with him. 2 Weeks later I started dating Johnny and he made me the most happiest girl in the world. And soon after that, we started doing things in bed (not necessarily sex but things extremely close to it) In fact we tried but we couldn't because it was difficult.

Anyways, so around last week (Feb.20) I noticed I hadn't gotten my period and suffered a lot of symptoms of pregnancy. I told him and he reassured me that I wasn't. Guys take it easier but for a girl, its tormenting, especially if it wasn't planned. So, I told him we needed a test. He agreed to buy me one when I saw him. (I only really saw him on Saturdays due to gas and distance) But my mind was dying to know so, I told my mom what was going on, because I was concerned. She took it okay in the beginning but when I told Johnny, i could tell he was upset but took it cool. My mom bought me the test and it came out negative thank god. But I had a feeling I did it wrong because I still felt bloated and it was already the 8th day of it. Soon, my dad found out and had a talk with Johnny and I just saying that we were lucky and what not. And to try and abstain from it.

My paranoia took the best of me because I still felt really sick so I went to the doctor to go get blood work done and thank goodness, it was negative again. I started the next day and things ended like that. But I told Johnny we'd have to be more careful and that even if its not real intercourse, its still possible. Soon after, I noticed that he became more distant so I kept telling him if something was bothering him, he could tell me. I still loved him a lot. But apparently, he didn't feel the same for me anymore.

He claimed that he never used me and it wasn't because of what happened but according to all the things he said through text (Oh by the way, he dumped me over TEXT) he didn't care much about anything I had to say. And after that, bam. He deleted me off of facebook and all communication ended there.

How can some guys be so mean...especially since he was my bestfriend and boyfriend. I trusted him so much. But I felt more anger/disappointment than sadness. I guess its true what they say..Don't date your bestfriend.

Anony-mous

January 09, 2012 @ (la)

Tags: trust, heartbreak

i've been with a girl for about 1.5 years. i met her in nyc. i'm originally from the west coast, but i moved to the city 2 years ago. anyway, throughout our entire time together, it felt like a never-ending "honeymoon phase". we were passionately in love with each other, and extremely affectionate. i moved in with her a year ago because i lost my job. she was kind enough to open her home to me. she's been nothing but amazing. her family loves me. she loves me. we had plans for the future, even plans of marriage.

though, at this moment, i am currently in la (for a short vacation) and she's in nyc. she broke up with me on the phone this morning because i'm too insecure. i have trust issues (that i am working on) and she's just tired. she's giving up on this relationship because she's tired of my lack of trust. that, i understand. but i'm confused because it was so sudden.

i think it's serious this time. we had a joint bank account for our apartment savings, and she removed her share of the money. now it's almost half-empty.

but, i'm flying back to nyc tomorrow morning. i thought about not flying back at all to avoid seeing her (just because it will be too hard), but i can't not show up for work. i at least have to put in my two weeks and get the rest of my stuff at her place. i also have unfinished business in nyc that can't be left neglected.
i also need more closure than this. i've been crying constantly all day. i've been going into my car and crying hysterically so no one would hear me. i am going through so much pain because i'm starting to believe that this is really IT. she's been the most amazing girlfriend to me, so supportive, faithful, genuine, and perfect. her imperfections are perfect to me.
i hope this was out of anger. and that she didn't mean it. otherwise, i'm on a one-way flight back to los angeles with a broken heart and a broken dream.

Ash

December 20, 2011 @ (India)

Tags: My story

Hi all, at last found a site where i can spill my feelings. It all stated 8 years back. My neighbour boy (who calls me big bro) was my very good friend since childhood. He is 4 years younger to me and was doing BDS (bachelor in Dental Surgery). He had a senior girl in the college whom he respected as a elder sister. In many conversations he used to cite her examples. I became influenced towards this girl and asked him to give me her mobile number. Upon a promise that i wont play with the girls feelings, he gave me the number. After many attempts to make the girl talk to a stranger, she finally felt comfortable talking to me. Our relationship grew on phone and though we hadn't seen each other, the inter bond kept growing. Then one fine day, we decided to meet. On the first look, it was love at first site for both of us. Whenever she had to go her college in the other distant city, i used to drop her to the next city bus stand. Shopping together, going into malls..... all was like a dream. Then after 3 years, i asked her to ask her parents for marriage as i was very keen to get married to her and so she was. She belonged to a hindu brahmin family which had a staunch belief in astrology. When her parents asked my birth details, i gave them my true details. Although i knew our horoscopes don't match, still i wanted to marry her on truth and not on a bed of lies. Her father told me that since she was a manglik (an astrological condition) and i was not she could be married to a manglik boy only. We both tried to convince them for 2 long years but they didnt agreed. Although i am well educated and placed at a high position in an MNC, they said a straight "NO" to me. She even tried suicide thrice to convince them but they didnt agreed. After that, she started avoiding my calls. As our relation was entering its seventh year, my family told me that they can'nt wait any longer and my mother being hyper tensive, wanted the things to be settled at this end or the other. Finally, we went to see her father to convince him about my love but a straight NO was his answer. I was heartbroken as the girl stopped picking up my calls. I went through a three month anti depression course. Then my family finalised some other girl for me and got me married. After two years of marriage and a son, my ex again came in contact with me. She is still single, has crossed 30 years of age and is repenting on her decision to go as per her parents decision. She says that she always loved me and avoided my phone calls just to make me hate her and to make me move on with my life. Although i have got a loving wife but the place which i had given to my ex, i wont be able to give it to anyone. I am trying to pull on with life without my wife knowing it but it is like getting born and dying every day. Now my ex's parents are searching for a boy but for her too it will be just another compromise that she will be making. How people shatter lives of lovers in India just on the pretext that the astrological horoscopes dont match is a lifelong nightmare for lovers. Neither the children nor the parents nor the ones to whom they get married ever stay happy just because of this sick mentality of horoscope matching. Life is hell without the one whom you love so deeply, whom you have visualised and imagined in each and every moment in your coming life, in all your future times. Life is truly a hell.

His Only?

December 18, 2011 @ (If only I knew..)

Tags: two years, serious, love, hurt, miss him, want him back, heartbreak, pure, happy, how

I don't want this to sound like another bad romance or break up.. Because we weren't. I know this is hard to believe but in eighth grade, I met the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, I was really young and naive. But he had me at hello. He was tender but strong, charming but sweet, and fun ut committed. He was perfect for me. My other half has finally connected with my soul. We dated seriously for 2 years. We never rushed anything, always a casual move or a serious discussion. We realized the dangers of becoming as close as we did but were so sure we would be together for years to come. He loved me enough to even sit through New Moon with me on our year anniversary. I guess I was never a great girlfriend to him but I couldn't, and still can't live a day without him. A week after our two years, we got into a fight and my friend got involved and made him want to break up with me.. We were done at that point.. We disconnected and lost each other. Tragically, I grieved for months about losing him. He was my gift and I let it go. He moved,literally, across the country and it's been 8 months since I've seen or heard from him. Recently, he popped up into my Facebook and we started talking. I realized about 3 weeks ago how much I missed him and how much I want him back.. He is still kind of bitter, but is sincere too. I'm not sure what I should do anymore about this and was seeking help and guidance from someone who has gone through something like this. I know we both messed up but I still love him dearly. And I don't want to sound like a hopeless romantic because I'm not. I gave myself to him and have lost it. He means the world to me... Still.. Thank you for reading my reach out..

Gordon

November 21, 2011 @ (Newtown)

Tags: cheating

Everyone is prone to being cheated on, no matter if you are male or female, I don’t care if society says men are more likely to cheat. Being a male I am one of those guys who thinks it is completely unnecessary and cruel to cheat on someone who treats you like a princess and cares for you. So here is my story and I hope to get a lot of feedback from this. Thank you. So two year ago my girlfriend, we’ll call her “She-Devil”,moved back home from Arizona to live with her mom and to get away from all the bullshit out west. I met her through facebook, I got a message from here saying hello. We talked and hung out that day. Who could blame her, you move back home knowing no buddy but family, why not try and find people to hand out with. So that first week we felt instantly in love and all that great bullshit that goes along with a new lover. I was living on my own and she with her mom. My lease was running out and about 10 months of being together, we had this great idea of me moving in with her and her mom, and turn her basement into a living area for us to live in. I built a god damn basement for this girl. I loved doing it because I love seeing my girl happy. Along with many other little thinks, like buying the “just because” rose, and small things. O! and I got her a job working with my sister at an animal clinic. So for another year we were living the sweetest live together at that house, felt just like were I thought I belonged. So a month or two ago, she starts to act really distant and unhappy. Work was stressful but she would always come home and talk about it. Nothing. I would do what ever I could to make her happy. Got a card and wrote her a note. Leave post it notes saying how much I loved her where she could find. Just cute little thinks to get a smile out of her and in a way it seemed as if she was faking it. So I never really thought of her as a cheater, but during this month, one of her clients asked her if she could watch his dogs for him while he is at work. Extra money, who wouldn’t.
We had no sex life during this last month and she always seemed to doll herself up on the days that she would go “watch his dogs”. So this last Friday I over hear here talking to her mom about when to break up with me. I confronted her and that night she told me how she “wanted to be alone” she “isn’t sure what she wants” she “needs to spend time and find out who she is and what she needs to do it live.” Fucking high school bullshit, excuse. So it was the hardest thing for me, because of the fact that I cared about her so much and literally built a life for us to start. I was lead on so much to think that we would be together for much much longer. So that night I take off to vent with my buddies and I returned to fall asleep next to her. No matter how upset I was, I felt comfort in laying next to her. The next morning I get a phone call from my sister telling me to get my shit and get the fuck out of that house. I asked why, feeling very scared, thinking I was in danger. She would not tell me why, just to grab my stuff and get out. She convinced my dad and her boyfriend to all help out, in one trip we grabbed all my shit and got out in 2 hours because my sis didn’t want any confrontation with her. She gets to deal with her at work. So during the drive back to my dads, my sister hits me with it. She-devil told her co-workers, who she thought were her friends, that she had been fucking this guy and bragging about how he’s going to build her an apartment, going to buy her a computer, and offered her a job at his company. She-devil also bragged about how big his dick was. What She-devil didn’t expect was that these “friends” of hers are far more loyal friends to my sister and felt the need to tell her all this, thank god. Well now other co-workers started telling her how they walked in on her and this guy in a back room in the office, she would always come in late and take long lunches. I’m living at my Dads now, depressing as fuck. She denied it all when I asked her about it and she said that all those people at work are making shit up. Yeah, cuz I believe that. I did so much for this girl only to find out that my average size, 25 year old cock isn’t good enough for this 21 year old Cunt, but a bigger 43 year old dick does the trick. What the FUCK!!!!!! I’ve been cheated on before but never by someone who I cared so much for and thought she did the same. Ugh, Fucking Gross.

Jordyn

August 20, 2011 @ (Melbourne)

Tags: bleh

I was dating this guy and at first everything was great, but then I starting to feel like something wasn't quite right(and I've always had really good instincts). So I asked him if he was seeing someone else or sleeping with someone else, and he said he wasn't and convinced me that my instincts weren't right. Then all of a sudden he just stopped talking to me, he literally ignored my calls for a week, he told my best friend more about what was going on then he did to me. He claimed he had no money and was getting evicted,although this I heard from my best friend who also told me that he said he had more important things to worry about then me. Two weeks later I went to the doctors and found he had given me an STI, I was furious, because this proved that he either lied to me and wasn't clean or he was but then started sleeping with other girls. I told him the day after and he insisted that it was my fault and put all the blame on me. I was absolutely furious because I had been tested before we had sex and I was clean. The next night while I was asleep he sent me a text saying "This isn't working...I'm sorry" I was so angry, then to add to my anger I went on to Facebook only to see that he was in a relationship with someone else, literally less then 10 minutes after texting me. Not to mention also that while we were dating he said he couldn't put our relationship on Facebook because he just never did it wasn't his "thing" too, but that was clearly a lie, he was dating this other girl, for who knows how long.

Jeanice

May 13, 2011 @ (San Diego )

Tags: 1

Well I am still in a space of hoping against hope we will not have to break up. I am on the edge, knowing that where we were heading was not working and he has put the brakes on. I want to make it all about him because I do not want to look within me to see that there were definitely things that were not working for me i.e. He still has a lot of anger towards his ex (thin line between love and hate) and he is very gun shy to move forward with me, hence he is probably not finished with his last gal, nothing truly available for me. We do not have tons in common, and he does not have his financial life together at ALL !!! He is pretty immature also. Yet there is this amazing connection we have. OH GOD I can see how I am hanging on to a thread hoping hoping hoping it can change. I know even if there is a chance for the future. What is now needs to be over. DAMNIT !!!! I do not want to freaking admit this. So for today I am going to release the relationship that was. Do a ritual to let him go release him from my energy. What will happen will happen