Searching for "pain"

116 Results For 'pain'

Kiana Boxdale

March 21, 2011 @ (Ohio)

So we had Carrer Day at my school , I wasnt all too excited except for the fact that i got out of class for a whole day . We had Seniors who were our leaders and they helped show us all of the programs in our school . One kid stuck out to me, he was gorgeous , i have never seen him before in all my two years in the highschool . He showed me around , along with the other hundred kids, what are the odds he ends up talking to me ? Slim but possible, because we ended up talking to each other. It was slow at first, just texting , then hanging out . He was shy, i was shocked, a sexy senior who's shy ? Well , things picked up and we started spending almost everyday together. We would sleep together, no not sex, just falling asleep together and i never felt so right in his arms all through the night. It got serious, we told each other we wouldnt know what to do without each other..then he changed. Turns out he wasn't so shy, he starting turning into a jerk and ditching me, we went from texting all day non-stop to not texting at all. I was crushed, but i held on because losing him would be like taking my heart out and throwing it into an ocean . I held on , my grip slipped, and now he's gone. He didn't tell me why, just walked out . I thought atleast i deserve a reason, but i guess i don't. Turns out he's talking to someone else, doesn't text me back anymore and i'm heart broken. I loved him, when he was mean i would just kiss him, when he would make mistakes i would forgive, i was always there for him . When i do everythign for him thought ; he does nothing for me but leave me behind like a bad habbit .. Being left behind , is the worst pain ever immaginable .

Brandee

December 27, 2010 @ (Boulder City Nevada)

Tags: Cameron Cuny

Let's see. It's December... 6months ago.

I was dating this doucher, and I met someone online.He was, perfect? No, perfect is an under-state-ment. Anywys, we fell in love. We both did, instantly.

God, I'm getting flash backs; we celebrated Fourth of July together. July 3rd we met and fell inlove, and became the greatest relationship ever. Hours and Hours on the phone, everynight. Webcams, phones, Im's. But, everyone was right.. Long distance doesn't work.

Anyways... We were amazing, but we only lasted a short time. I remember the breakup so vividly. I was high off of life, hanging out with my best friend, walking home, and as I passed the alleyway across the way from my alley, I got a phone call from my baby. I remember him talking to his buddy breifly, and then getting serious. He just explained to me that it wasn't working. He then asked, if I was alright, and with tears in my eyes, I replied yes. He told me if I needed to cry I could.

Oh I needed to cry alright. But I told him I didn't want him to have to hear it for, I didn't want him to feel bad. I told him I had to go...

My friend Devin was concerned.

I turned around, facing away from her, and cried, silent at first.

I tried to walk, i was so shaken, I couldn't walk, so I stumbled and fell. I sat against the wall, and Devin rushed over. I just started to scream. I couldn't breath, and I was screaming. Devin helped me up while I was still bawling, and she hugged me. I was so crushed. It felt as if he took a kife, rammed it into my heart, and then twisted the blade. After about an hour, I regained enough of my composure to get home..
As sooon as I was in my room, I began to cry again. I turned up my music and cried. After like... roughly 3 hours, Devin went home. I never stopped crying.

I did something I have never done before too.
I became numb. I was in such denial. It was so not over.

I couldn't even feel my heartbeat anymore, and pathetically, I cut myslef. I didn't want to die, I was making sure I was still alive.

He called me. I swear, I just sat there, with the phone muted, crying, screaming, not breathing. he was apologizing. Which broke my heart even more, causing me more pain.

This was the first guy, the first person I have ever felt love for, and he does this too mee? I would tell everyone exactly why he broke up with me, stupid reson, but I don't want to be mean. Why would anyone do this to me? My first real true heart break.. and it still haunts me. 6 MONTHS LATER! Why?

I have cried so many times, just at random, and if any of my friends even say his name, itnsta-cry. Little things remind me of him. Especially the song, It's Not Over- Second HandSerenade. I have listened to it atleast 100 times in the last couple hours. It's 3:46 in the morning.. I have officially been crying for 3 hours. Yay. what an accomplishment. Are you happy Cameron? Knowing that the fucking thought of you makes me cry. And when i do cry, I can't breath. I put myself through hell, for you. And what's even worse... I still love you.

-Brandee.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZmvJknzLfU&feature=related

Sarah

November 25, 2010 @ (Michigan)

Tags: 2

My situation is unique for why i have such a shattered heart.... i was with my boyfriend for 6 months...i know its not that long but i loved him more than anything he was my best friend and i trusted him...and he got me pregnant....When i first told him the news he was excited and wanted me to keep the baby. Even though we're both really young and I myself am not ready to be a mother. But because i loved him and i wanted to be with im forever i thought maybe we could make this work. Then the next day he broke up with me through a text messege while i was at work. You can imagine how hurt i was. I couldnt even work the rest of that day because i was soooo hurt and confused. You're probably thinking that hes just an immature 21 year old and yes that is true but i cant shake the horrible heart breaking feeling over this. He will not give me an explination of any sort. He wont talk to me at all.
That's not even the worst part. I found out a week later he has a new girlfriend who has a baby. He is posting facebook status' that say how much he cant stop thinking about his "wife" and "baby" and he is as happy as he has ever been in his life. I know now that i shouldnt have looked at his facebook, and after reading that i promised myself i will NEVER look at it again. Its unbelievably heart breaking to know that he left me to be with that girl who has baby. I felt i had no other choice but to get an abortion. I dont want to be a single mother at this age. I dont think i could do it alone. I am so confused because i dont know what i would have done for him to leave me like that. I dont understand why he would want me to keep our baby then throw me away like trash and then run off with that other girl. He's rubbing my nose in it with those facebook posts. The pain i feel with this is excruciating. While im here miserablely heart broken wondering what i had done wrong he is out there with his new girlfriend he calls his "wife" and hes being a father to her baby. Also that girl he is with changed her last name on facebook to his last name, as if they were married. It is absolutly rediculous because i almost feel like he is doing all of this on purpose to get at me, but i also think maybe is real between them and they really do want to be married after only knowing eachother one week. Well for all i know they could have been going out when me and him were together, but i try not to think of it that way. I do have to mention that he didnt help pay for the abortion after i asked him to. He completely ignored me. So i have talked with his mother about my situation. She is on my side with this which is somewhat comforting but doesnt change what happend...
I dont know what i should do to work past this. I cant stop thinking about it. I have had past relationships and i thought i've been heartbroken before but nothing like this. This is pain i have never felt before and its horrible. I want answers. Everyone says I am young and ill move on and forget about all this over time. I just keep waiting around because maybe he will give me a explination for all of this. I NEVER saw this coming. Me and im were happy together and we also seen eachother every day so what happend makes no sense to me at all. I can imagine he met her one day and then BAM desided to get "married" and be a happy family. It's confusing and i dont understand.

Matt

September 19, 2010 @ (AZ)

Tags: breakup

Well, I was going out with a beautiful girl for a little under 2 years. Both of us were madly in love and all that stuff that goes along with it. We did everything together, always had a good time, knew everything there was to know about eachother, etc. It went great for the first year and a half besides some fights here and there. After that it went down hill. Our relationship started getting shaky. She tried everything possible to keep us together, and I gave it my all, too. To sum up 5 months of emotional pain and self evaluation, I fell out of love with her. I felt horrible and it showed, but I couldnt tell her why. Eventually I couldnt bear it anymore and broke up with her. I broke her heart and she went into depression and all her friends hated my guts including her. I really wish it didnt have to end that way. She wont talk to me and hasnt since then. If only she could be friends with me.. Our romantic relationship will never pick up again, but I would do anything to be her friend again.

NeedsHelp

September 12, 2010 @ (WestCoast)

Tags: Tags

My girlfriend of 9 years broke up with me to be with an old high school friend. The sad part is that I have a feeling that they will eventually get married within the next year or so. I’m absolutely crushed like never before. We’ve had our share of problems throughout our relationship and unfortunately it’s mostly my fault. I feel so stupid for taking her for granted.

We met in college back in 2001 and it started out as the most beautiful thing in this world that either of experienced. We were soul mates and were certain that we’d be together forever. It was like we were two peas in a pod, amongst a campus full of strangers and were very happy we found one another. It didn’t take us but 6 months to move in together we were so in love. However, after graduating college, I struggled for years, and was depressed even, to find a job. She supported us for most of our relationship as she was blessed with a wonderful career as an exceptional community organizer, which she now serves as the executive director of her organization. Me on the other hand, struggled immensely to find my passion, and had several dead end low paying jobs.. This was emotionally hard on me, and most certainly on her. However, we would make the best of our situation by taking various trips around the country and enjoying the natural bond we had for one another. We didn’t have to take trips really we enjoyed staying home together, whether we were intimately conversing about any topic or making passionate love. However, my career struggles took a severe toll on our relationship. I even went through a period of alcohol abuse, which lasted a couple of years. Eventually, after 4 great years she began to loose interest in me, and cheated on me a few times. Although I was obviously crushed, I took her back because I loved her so so much and believed we could work through anything, plus I always envisioned her as the mother of my kids. Fast forward to January 2008, I eventually found a job which pays great and I absolutely love-- finally I’m able to support us and feel good about myself in that regard. We celebrated the entire 2008 in the name of my success and life seemed golden--finally my career struggle was over! Unfortunately I started to drink again and lied several times about it and thus undermining any trust left. At that time, she started to give me warnings that I had to stop or else she’d leave. Fortunately I finally stopped, but we would still argue. She also began to voice, starting in mid-June of this year, that she was growing unsatisfied in our relationship and that we needed to talk. I unfortunately kept prolonging “the talk” and became slightly tuned out every time she said it. Beginning of August I noticed she started to act suspect: she seemed to pay more attention to sending text messages on her smart phone than being in my company. So, I naturally had a hunch something was wrong, so I checked her work email and noticed she made reservations at hotel to be with some random guy, the weekend I was going out of town visit college friends in LasVegas. To make a long painful story short, I confronted her about it over the phone while she was at work, she became shell-shocked that I found out and started crying. We hang up and she eventually came home from work. The first thing she said was we should break up… and that I should‘ve talked to her but now it‘s too late we have to break up. I’m begging and pleading for her to get her to change her mind, and that we should talk now, but she insisted we should break up. The next day I go to work, come back home and she’s gone. I call her and she said we shouldn’t be around each other anymore and one of us needs to move out. Now I’m in further disbelief and shock. What follows after that is even more painful drama, trauma rather, and would take another 500 words or so to explain but I‘ll save the detail--it’s bad.. In short, she’s been at a friends house for the past 3 weeks looking for a place and blocked my number from her cell phone, it turns out this random guy is an old high school friend and they are in a intimate partnership. She even hinted that they are talking about marriage. Meanwhile I’ve been alone in our old apartment reminiscing, broken-hearted but refusing to let go, looking at old pictures and her belongings, under an unbearable amount of sorrow, loss of appetite and motivation, deteriorating self-esteem and ego. I’ve been reading passages from Psalms to make it through the day. My life feels like it’s over.

Rosie

August 04, 2010 @ (USA)

Tags: pregnancy, birthday

Today is my 16th birthday. I'm five months pregnant; my boyfriend (well, ex now) and I had been going out for nearly a year. I loved him very much. We did everything together, even well into the pregnancy. He said we'd always be together, etc. He went out of town and I didn't see him for two weeks, during which time he didn't contact me at all. When he got back, he was frustrating and distant. But yesterday, he came over and said he wanted to take a step back because he was overwhelmed with how I've become a different person (of course I have; I'm pregnant and the stress he's putting on me is only making it worse). We compromised by agreeing to still hang out once or twice a week, not see anybody else, and let our relationship rebuild itself naturally. But he agreed to take me out to dinner and a movie today, since it's my birthday. It would be kind of like a first date all over again. And I was OK with that. I waited all day for him. When he was hours late, I finally texted him. Over a text message, he told me he was busy with some other girl and that we shouldn't see each other anymore. The baby will be born in a few months, at which point she'll go to live with adoptive parents. And I thought THAT on its own would be painful enough....

Alex

August 03, 2010 @ (Atlanta, GA)

Tags: Parent Interference

Sometimes when you try too hard, you end up destroying everything.

Early last month, I had traveled to Germany to visit my girlfriend that had just completed a semester studying abroad in China. Her family has a home in Germany, and I was invited to fly over and have my long-awaited reunion with her. While my heart was joyful to have her in my arms again, I was about to face unprecedented circumstances ultimately leading to our relationship's demise.

For the first four days in Germany, the food was completely not agreeing with my stomach, causing much discomfort. Instead of complaining about her mother's cooking, I tried my best to eat what I could and be respectful. If the ordeal ended there, it would have been no big deal. Then Sunday's emergency hit.

Her family and I traveled by bike to a neighboring village to watch a parade. Unknowingly, I experienced the most emasculating injury possible while in route. Thirty minutes into the parade, I started to experience pain in my "manhood area." After excusing myself from the group, I went into a local bar, ordered a drink and went to the bathroom to find an unprecedented swelling of one of my testicles. (Thank God for anonymity, because naturally this is a truly embarrassing moment.) After this discovery, I exited the bathroom, quickly consumed my drink and swiftly exited back to the street. I told my girlfriend I immediately needed to get to the hospital, and word started to spread among the family. Without any option for a taxi or ambulance, we were forced to ride by bicycle to the hospital. Upon arrival, I was laid out in an examination room with my girlfriend and her mother standing at the end of the table, with my full injury on display. This was necessary, as I do not speak German and needed translation. I was diagnosed with Testicular Torsion and required immediate surgery. The procedure was a success, and I departed the hospital the following day to return to the family's house.

Back in their house, I was laid out in pain, recovering from my procedure. During this time, the whole family was working on renovating the bottom floor of the house. I felt guilty that I could not assist in their efforts, and isolated myself in discomfort. After 4 days being distant in their home, I was able to get on a flight back to America to see my English-speaking Doctor. My girlfriend would stay behind with the intention of traveling back the following week. We were on the verge of having a normal relationship, once again, after being separated for 5 months.

Then I inadvertently screwed up with her parents. The day following my arrival back to America, I wrote her parents an email attempting to explain my bad behavior during my stay in Germany. I thanked them for their hospitality, and humbled myself to any criticism they may have possessed. This letter was taken as an attack, and I received a reply 3 days later criticizing me for being snide and lacking self-confidence. They trivialized my relationship with their daughter and made the determination that I was not good enough to be with her. Thirty minutes later, and just one week after my medical emergency, my girlfriend broke up with me over Skype.

Instead of traveling back to America, she has stayed in Germany for another two weeks. She has only listened to her parents about their limited view of my conduct. She will not talk to me and will not stand up for the love we genuinely found together.

She returns to America tomorrow, from my understanding. I'm not going to harass her, but I'm truly devastated to have lost her. Hopefully her friends will help her form her own opinion of things.

If you've read this far, thank you. I felt compelled to write the whole background as I'm so very confused by these circumstances. There is no take-away lesson from this experience, and that almost makes it harder to recover from and rationalize.

Ansi Jose

July 22, 2010 @ (Trivandrum)

Tags: Escape from Hell

I was in a relationship for the last two years. People will wonder how i managed to stay with someone stupid for such a long time. The person whom i loved used to call me names all the time and those words were so uncultured that i initially beg him to stop saying them. he won't and finally in an effort to get myself out of that pain, i used to bang my head on the wall and then he will scream " die you wretched bitch!" Once i took a whole strip of pills in an attempt to kill myself but that was a failure. He never used to give me any freedom. All the twenty-four hours of my life was for him. I can't watch a movie that i like, i can't talk to my mother or my brother, and i can't even go out with my friends. And the most important thing is that i can't even look at other boys. And the funny part is that he used to have a lot of girlfriends who used to visit his home and with whom he used to spend days together. Everything was forbidden just for me. And he won't let me do a job. Twice i got decent jobs but he will call me names all the way to my work place and he wanted me to take off on all the days that he liked. I had to leave both those jobs because of him. But it was okay if he is capable of getting a good income. that he was not! He never used to go for any jobs and he won't attend interviews saying that they will be tough! And to make things worse he has a brother who is handicapped and he wants me to look after him and his old father sitting at home. He never wanted me to be independent. At that point, i realized what he wants is just a servant, not a wife. And many times i tried to end that relationship but he will convince me to continue it and then again will start torturing me. Yesterday was the day when i took the final decision. I found out that i never can spoil my whole life for the sake of a stupid and incompetent person like this. So i finally said that "No". And of course he has threatened me that he is going to publish all the photos we had together everywhere and my mother and i are going to fall on his feet. And i also suspect myself to be pregnant. But come what may, I'm going to be firm on this decision and I am not going to spoil the rest of my life because of him.

Emma

July 01, 2010 @ (arizona)

Tags: example1

My boyfriend and I had been together 9 months. We'd known each other and been really in love for almost 2 years. I gave him absolutely all of me. We really were great together and always had fun and showed each other how much we were in love. He always told me how he wanted to marry me and how much he loved me. Everything was going great until one week he had phone issues. He never tried to contact me in any way. When he did get his phone back, he still didn't at least text me and say he'd call me later or anything. So after going from speaking everyday or just getting an "i love you" text from him, which was always enough for me and made me feel so amazing, he went to zero communication. Who wouldn't "freak out"? I tried contacting him and got nothing. Anyway, I went to see what was going on and he told me he wanted a break and started naming off all these silly previous fights that he had already apologized for and I had forgiven and moved on. He said how I ask too much of him, which he lives 2 hours away, and he had always been able to find time to call me or just text me each day, and if a day or two went by, I was okay with that because I do know how busy he really is. Anyway, after saying all that I had finally agreed to a break. I asked if he wanted to break up and he said no, just a break for a few weeks because he didn't have time for this.
A month has gone by and I had tried to contact him out of desperation for answers the first two weeks. I have not tried to contact him for the past 2 weeks and I will not. I sent him a pour my heart out, this is what really happened with all the silly fights, and do you really love me if you're throwing away what we had...and still heard no word.
It's the most painful thing in the world to go from "i love you I want to marry you baby" to not acknowledging my existence. We are both 21, so yes I know we're young, but he had been so genuine and he doesn't sugar coat anything, so I know if he didn't love me, he would have just said so...
I've been suffering from panic attacks my whole life, but had not had an issue with them again until all of this happened. It feels as if my world crashed down. I live alone, I'm in a new state where all I have is a job so this makes things even more difficult. I do have hobbies, but cannot pursue riding horses at this time because I live in an apartment and can't afford to board a horse in town.
I wake up every morning thinking about every good and horrible thing we've gone through. After what he's done to me, I hate him, but I love him at the same time. My heart races, my stomach turns, I feel nauseous all day long and cannot eat like I used to.
I tried not making him my whole life, but I guess I felt what we had was so real, I never had to worry about him not being there. This all makes me sound pathetic, I know it does and I hate feeling this weak.
How can you love someone so much one day, and want nothing to do with them the next? And no, nothing changed. He changed. I know there isn't anotherr girl because his roommate wants to date me and I'm sure to get me to date him, he would tell me if there was another girl.
So now what? How can I get over this? I've bought books about breakups that have helped me on the whole outlook of this about how if we were so perfect, this wouldn't have happened.
But still...
anyone have any words of advice or encouragement? Anything would help. Sorry this was so long.

Alanna

June 01, 2010 @ (somewhere in hell )

Tags: My story lol is one undeserved nightmare

last night he lied to me stayed out all night cause no curfew n the night it was changed he rather hang out with local lowermainland surrey hookers and he ignored me he truly is a peice of shit he was always mean to me cheated on me lets guys take advantage of me tell them that i think hes my bf n so ive had some creepy creepers pull their gross baby dicks n say its ok n what MY ex bf said about being with other girls and how he hangs out with them all the time but theyre all nasty n sell themselves thats low and gross and i dont do that lifestyle he scams ppl n lies to his mom n steals from her and i paid for this month then im gone but its not that sad i guess its all for the best its over alanna ive had a bad life n alot of pain n he knew it all he doesnt remeber anything about me or us or anythin,its hard to explain how bad i let this shit continue on its kinda sad but its sad that he wants to be with that lol its funny as well lol cause im really good lookin ive tried alot of things and i knew it wasnt me and he couldnt say the truth i mean if u dont wanna be w./someone u say it n ur done but hes hateful and im warnin u girls about him hell probly lie and tell u fake info about his name n shiz or drug u up so he make mula postin pics n lettin ppl watch him fuck nasty hookers w two more old men who are junkys and trash n have hores all the time like non stop im single now and i dont wanna go out with anyone i jus wanna be me lol n honestly he can kiss my sexy ass goodbye hes borin in bed fucks like a retard
this has been hard i broke up with him cause he came to me cryin cause he got awwwwwested n had to stay clean in jail for two days lol so i deleted my email from his account cause he wanted me to change his pw and i saw his gfs emails other lady friends like fuck u he thinks im stupid ...but i sent him an email or two n it wasnt bad its jus get the hell away from me buddday seriously were on a different levels and hell never change